Laura is leaving this morning for ten days. She said she needs some time to think. I also need some time to think. It's been a rough week for the both of us with lots of talking and a lot more tears.
I pray that while she is away she realizes what she has here at home with me. And if she doesn't, then I hope I realize that she is not the one for me; at least not right now.
I have said what I needed to and now the ball is in Laura's court, so to speak. I just pray that she is safe over the next 10 days and that she is able to think more clearly about everything. Please say a prayer for her that she has safe travels as she drives today.
I wonder how I am going to get through the next 10 days. I know that I am looking forward to some peace. I am looking forward to not hearing her cellphone ring knowing it's the other person. I am looking forward to crying as much and as loud as I want without her looking at me like I am tearing her heart out. I just want some peace. I pray at least 10x a day for peace and strength. God is hearing my prayers because to some degree I do feel some inner peace for the first time in almost 2 weeks.
If Laura goes away and decides this is not what she wants, or I am not who she wants, then I have some important decisions to make. They will be tough, but I have to put myself first. I have to love myself first, above anyone or any situation.
Laura said that in all of this she knows one thing for certain: she wants me part of her life. I am still trying to figure that out and I think she is as well. I have to give her this space to figure that out. I am sad that she can not figure that out in the home we have created together. But I am willing to give her that space as well as give myself that space.
It's going to be rainy here all week and I am looking forward to it. It seems more appropriate to be crying when it is raining outside.
My motto through all of this has been and will continue to be:
Love got me here and Love will get me through
11 comments:
You are right Caroline, love got you there and love WILL get you through. Just try to take this time and find peace within yourself. Time apart right now was a very wise decision on both of your part.
I will say if you do decide to make it a permanent break up then make it a CLEAN break for awhile. Being near will just make it worse. I know from experience. Hugs honey I am thinking about you both!
Best wishes during these times of trial and tribulation.
6pence
You know I'm thinking about you and wishing you all the strength you need to face whatever comes your way.
Hugs.
patti--i am enjoying my time alone to just think. it's so hard to think about something when it's right there in front of you. i do miss her though. :(
6--thank you so much. every day is a new day
casey--yes, both laura and i know you are thinking of us. thank you so much for all you have done for us. i don't even know where to begin to thank you.
Love will get you through even if its just the love of your blogger friends. I think time apart will do you both some good! Use this time to yourself. I am sending you vibes of strength your way!
Wishing you the best Caroline.
You are right about love.
I wish I had all of the right words or uplifting remarks.
Just remember that some long distance friends are sending you warm hugs!
Holly, Lois and Andrew
eye--thank you so much. i think i felt those vibes earlier today. :)
cristin--those are all good questions and things that I have to think about the next week or so. not only does laura have some decisions to make, i do as well
trop--thank you
holly--thank you all for the long distance hugs. i really need them right now
I am sending great big hugs your way. I can only imagine what you are going through right now. Even though I don't comment often, please know you are in my prayers and along with Bobbie, I am sending you vibes of strength.
You know, there is another saying that comes to mind when I see what you are going through. "When you really love somebody, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours forever. If they do not come back to you, they were never yours in the first place." This saying or quote or moto, whatever it may be, might be a little harsh sounding at first, but it speaks the truth.
I think this time apart for you two is truly the best thing that could have ever happened to you. As hard as it will be (and I know it will), it's what will give you both answers.
I wish you the best Caroline, and remember, a lot of people are thinking of you. Don't hesitate to call for any reason at all. We are here for you *HUGS*
Just keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. Still find this whole thing so unreal.
naticole--thank you for that saying. that is how i am going through this next week. if she does not come back to me that means she was never mine in the first place. and if she does come back, then it was meant for forever. thank you for the offer to call. i may take you guys up on that this week.
sassy--it is very unreal. just two weeks ago i thought things were just fine. my reality has been shattered.
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