In 2004 when I officially (although I had come out to them before, but they were in denial) came out to my parents I still had an "ok" relationship with my brother. Now my brother and I have never been close due to him always being a complete asshole, but since he had children our relationship had become a little closer. I love my nephews more then anything and I was willing to put aside any hard feelings I had for him to have a relationship with my nephews.
When I came out to my parents my brother was in the middle of a six week prison term for theft. When he was hauled off to prison Laura and I went down and spent the day moving his family out of their house since they no longer could afford the house they were living in since my brother was the only one working. My sister-in-law was very happy that Laura and I were able to come down and help them move out. Laura and I helping my SIL move was about 2 weeks before I came out to my parents. Laura and I had planned on taking my sister-in-law and nephews to the park and just spending some time with them. My SIL was very excited about this. Once I came out to my parents my relationship with my brother (who was still in prison) as well as my SIL became strained. My parents were supporting them completely and they knew better then to bite the hand that feeds them.
When I came out to my parents my brother was in the middle of a six week prison term for theft. When he was hauled off to prison Laura and I went down and spent the day moving his family out of their house since they no longer could afford the house they were living in since my brother was the only one working. My sister-in-law was very happy that Laura and I were able to come down and help them move out. Laura and I helping my SIL move was about 2 weeks before I came out to my parents. Laura and I had planned on taking my sister-in-law and nephews to the park and just spending some time with them. My SIL was very excited about this. Once I came out to my parents my relationship with my brother (who was still in prison) as well as my SIL became strained. My parents were supporting them completely and they knew better then to bite the hand that feeds them.
While my brother was in prison he called my house collect since my parents had a block on their phone for collect calls. Once my brother called my house I would use 3 way to call my parents house so my brother and SIL could talk. Once again I was promised that I would be paid for all the collect calls. Being in prison my brother had nothing to do and he would call several times a day. Each call was around $15. That quickly added up and before I knew it I had a $400 phone bill. Once my brother got out of prison I never saw any money. Again the joke was on me. Because I got upset my brother used my nephews as a way to get his way. I didn't budge. I have gone more then two years without seeing my nephews.
In December 2004 I bought presents for my nephews. I figured I would just leave them at my parents house for them. I was told not to bring them. I kept the gifts wrapped and stored them under our house. I thought eventually my brother would call, but he never has.
Last night I went under the house and found the sack of gifts I had bought for my nephews two years ago. I unwrapped them because I had forgotten what I had bought them. I had told myself I was going to hold on to them, but seeing them last night I decided to get rid of them for good.
The presents that were bought with so much love will now go to someone that needs them and will appreciate them more then my ungrateful family.
What are your suggestions as to what I should do with the toys???
15 comments:
I so wish things were different for you. At the very least, I hope knowing that you're going to totally make some child's Christmas, and possibly year, with toys s/he would otherwise never get, helps bring some happiness around such a sucky situation.
Caroline,
I know how you feel. my sister and I were close until I came out. She has a large family and her husband struggled w/ a failing business for 5 years. During that time My stbx & i provided financial support and found ways to get them help from others as well. Not to mention the emotional support I gave and the worry I had from her not having things the kids needed or money for propane for heat. But now that I am DIFFERENT, she calls my stbx instead of me! Give the gifts to a family shelter or someplace where they will be appreciated and enjoyed. Enjoy giving them. You are a generous person. Don't let them steal your joy.
sassy--at this point i know things wont' be different and i am learning to live with how my life is now...i can't wait to make some child's x-mas with some wonderful gifts
yankeegirl--it's amazing how people think we change just because we verbalize that we are gay. thank you for your kind words
Toys for Tots at the malls would welome the gifts and you would make a child's Christmas everything it should be. Congrats to you for this selfless act.
There must be one in every family! My family has a side just like yours. I would donate the toys to someone who would enjoy them. With you giving them away, they still will be given away with love. Just like they were bought with love for your nephews. You have such a big heart!
I'm so sorry. :( That sucks and I completely understand as I was cut off from my niece and nephew once I came out. They are grown now - in their 20's and I still never hear from them. *sigh*
Toys for Tots would be a great place to send the toys.....or, you could work your gifting magic on a more personal level. Friends who have children in that age group who are having major trouble making ends meet and who are stressing out about the Christmas budget but are too proud to say anything. Christmas is a great time of year but it can definitely be a budget buster. Just a thought.
caroline im so sorry you are going through this shit with your family.
My love for my sister (s) means more to me than anything.
Why people cant love others and forget about stuff that really isnt any of their business.
That's like I do stuff you and my sis probably dont agree with, but it's my business, i dont force my views and opinions on you.
Hey I forgot to tell you, thursday i found a whatever they are called on my door clear out here from the jh'ers. They better not come back here. I'm gonna hang a sign on my door "All sexes welcome, gay, lesbian, bi. JH'ers are not...GO AWAY HYPOCRITS, DO NOT TRESSPASS ON MY PROPERTY AGAIN! I have firearms and will not hesitate to use!
LOL they will probably have a heartattack.
anonymous--toys for tots is a great idea. thanks
eyeoftherainbow--you're so sweet. i really want to find someone that will enjoy the gifts
casey--there are a couple people i know that would benefit from the toys. x-mas can be very stressful on families. even us, who do not have a lot of money problems, still get a little stressed
kitty--you are too funny. i dare you to put that sign on yoru door. although, you probably won't see them for at least six months, maybe longer
traci--a hospice place is a wonderful idea. thanks
I would donate them to a charity.
I'm sorry your family is being difficult and hurtful.
Do you have a Crisis Nursery in your area? They would LOVE to have those nice new toys.
My younger brother has repeatedly taken advantage of me for money, too. In fact, he only calls when he needs money. Last year he asked for $500 to fix his car, and I gave it to him. Later I found out he didn't even have a car, and I haven't heard from him since. But I will, next time he's in a bind.
Oh well ~ better to be us than them, right?
zoe--thanks for the support. i am also sorry that my family is so filled with hate.
sandra--your brother sounds so much like mine. i know when my brother really needs something i will hear from him. i couldn't agree with you more..it's so much better being us then them. thanks for the idea on the toys.
I agree with the first anonymous: Toys for tots.
Hey Caroline. I've come to your blog via your comments on several other blogs. I've loved reading a bit about your story.
This is unfortunate that your family has responded this way. A huge huge loss for your nephews! I'm sure you will continue to keep them in your thoughts. Hopefully someday things will turn around.
I'm positive you can find a program to donate these toys to. Someone will appreciate them and your kindness!
anonymous--thanks for the idea and thanks for stopping by
sonya--thanks for stopping by. i am also very sad my family is putting a so called church above their family.
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