Sunday's Thoughts

For some reason tonight I have really struggled with writing a post. I seem to have a million things I want to write about, but then I write them out and I don't like how it comes out. So I hit the delete button. Here are some of the things that I have been wanting to write about, but can't seem to get the words out right. Maybe if I put them in bullet form it will make more sense to me:

*I have been thinking a lot about my family lately. Laura's family got together on Friday night and it made me miss all the get togethers my family has. I still get very shy when I am around her family. I don't know why. I have been part of the family for two years, but the first ten minutes I am around the family it's like I am frozen with fear. I think I am afraid I am going to say something that they suddenly look at me like, "what the hell is she thinking?". From the outside looking in I appear to be a very shy person, but actually I am not shy. I could talk your ear off if I had the chance. I wish I could learn to relax around her family. I know they love and accept me, but I become so afraid of rejection again. There are a lot of things I miss about my family. When I didn't pass my test on Thursday I needed the comfort of a Mother. I just wanted my Mom to give me a hug and tell me everything would be ok. It's hard not having my Mom in my life. I would go to her so much for advice and emotional support. No matter how independent I become there are days when I still just miss having my Mom. She always seemed to know what to say to me to make me feel better.

*As much as I am happy that summer is gone it's depressing looking out at our backyard. Last weekend we took down all our summer decorations. We had all these cool signs that we bought in Florida last year. They always brought back memories of our perfect trip. As much as I love seeing the beautiful colors of leaves in the yard, it's sad knowing that summer is officially over now.

*I feel that I was ripped off this past weekend. Having had worked on Saturday I feel that I missed out on 1/2 my weekend. Laura and I really treasure our weekends together. It's our time to come together again as a couple. Yesterday the weather here was perfect for one of those days where you stay inside all warm and cozy watching movies.

*I skipped Weight Watchers yesterday. Because I had to work I didn't have enough time to make it in to weigh in. I am feeling guilty about that. I am also feeling guilty that I don't think I lost any weight this past week. The scale was reading the same thing this Saturday morning as it did last Saturday morning. Damn Zingers.

*I really want to get to the weight I was at in 1994. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror or pictures of myself. I think I look fat and disgusting. I wish it was jut as easy to loose weight as it is to gain it.

*In two weeks we are going down to Springfield, MO to see Kathy Griffin. It's going to be a fun night and I can't wait to see her perform in person.

Well, that's what's going on this Sunday night. I have another busy week. My boss and I have interviews scheduled this entire week. Looking through these resumes I really wonder what people are thinking when they send them in. For example: we had someone send in a resume and the email that she put on the resume was a very sexual meaning email. Come on people, use common sense. If you are sending a resume to a place you hope to get employed, set up a free email account that is professional looking not sleazy.