God Always Provides

I noticed something last night after a very long and stressful/emotional day: GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES. It is amazing the little things that are provided for us when we didn't realize we needed them. Coming to this thought has been a long 6 year process. Let me give you some history on why it has taken me 6 years to realize this.

In June 2000 I was disfellowshipped the first time for smoking. My Ex had just moved out and I was stressed due to being left with all the bills. I picked up the habit of smoking. I agree it's not the best habit to have, but it was how I dealt with the stress. I was told to quit smoking or I would be disfellowshipped. I was too stressed to stop, so they kicked me out. At the meeting where the elders told me I was disfellowshipped I asked them two important questions. 1) Will God still love me? 2) Will God still hear my prayers? Their response to both those questions was a clear "NO". Now keep in mind this is the religion and lifestyle tha I had known my entire 27 years. I believed every word they said. I walked out of that meeting thinking that God did not love me and even if I prayed to Him, He would not hear my prayers. I was so angry, but what could I do? The elders said He would not hear my prayers and He would no longer love me. Thinking back on those elders and what they said to me I still get very angry. They had no right to tell me what they thought God would do or think.

About 6 months after I was disfellowshipped the first time I was really depressed. Keep in mind, just like this time, my family had cut of all contact with me. So, I was feeling pretty alone. I was ready to kill myself. I sat in my living room, all by myself. I was crying and I said, "God please have someone call me and check on me." I then got in my car and drove around for a couple of hours. When I got home there were 3 messages on my machine. They were all people calling to check on me and just see how I was doing. It was the first time in my life that I remember asking God for something and having Him respond almost immediately. It was as if I felt God's touch and love. It was powerful.

But I still struggled with my relationship with God. Still at the back of my mind I was thinking that what the elders said was true. You are taught to respect and believe anything the elders tell you. You are taught that they are "God's messengers on earth". I felt I was not worthy of any love or concern from anyone. It really messed me up for a while.

So fast foward to June 2005. I had been out of the church again for a year. Laura and I had been together a little over a year. We were involved in a pretty bad car accident. We were driving 70 mph on the highway and a semi-truck came up besides us and moved into our lane hitting our car. It sent us spinning into traffic on a Friday afternoon at 6pm. We didn't hit any other cars and we have very minor injuries. Just some bumps and scratches, but we were still walking and we were still alive. The paramedic said that last time he saw an accident like this there were 3 people involved and two died on the scene. Laura and I were surrounded by God's angels during that car wreck. It was as if they cushioned us we were spinning so we would not hit any other cars and then slowly brought our car to a stop.

A few weeks before I was disfellowshipped for the second time (July 2004) my Mom sent me an email with some scriptures saying "God does not have to listen to my prayers". Pretty much the same thing the elders said four years earlier. You know what...God is the only reason Laura and I walked away from that wreck. It was as if I hadn't listened well enough the first time God tried to prove He did love me and listen to my prayers, so it made sure I heard Him this time. I did hear Him...loud and clear.

So, last night Laura and I were sitting around and it all of a sudden hit me how God always provides for us when we need it. He is truly amazing. I know most of my family thinks that I am living a sad, faithless life. I am closer now to God then I have ever been. I talk to him a daily basis. And for the first time in my life...I know he is listening to me because I can feel it at my core.