Emotional Rollercoaster

Today has not been the best of days. I woke up as you would say "on the wrong side of the bed". Just kind of cranky and not real pleasant. I am not usually real pleasant to begin with in the mornings, but this morning I was unusually cranky. With having just one cellphone I make sure that Laura takes mine in the morning. I just feel better knowing that she has a phone with her when she is driving into the inner city at 6 in the morning. Well, I had forgotten to put the phone on the charger last night and could not find it this morning. I asked Laura to call the phone so I could find it. (we have two phones, but one is broken because with all the static in the house we went to pick it up and got shocked and the phone hasn't worked since then) And the phone that works was upstairs with her. So.... she calls and there is nothing. She hangs up and says, "does your number start with 560? I said, no, that is Lyn's cell phone. (our neighbor) Well, she calls the phone and I find it. I am now thinking..Lyn is probably going to call back wondering why we called her. (she is currently in Florida, so it was an hour ahead..she would have been up when we called) Well, after Laura left, I went back to bed and 10 minutes before the alarm was suppose to go off the phone rings. It's Lyn. I explain to her the situation and we get off the phone. I only had 7 more minutes of sleep. Damn..I wish it was Saturday morning then I could sleep in longer.

So, I get to work and my mood continues to go down hill. I am just feeling depressed. A lot has happended the last few days. First of all, while we were at Walmart I ran into someone that knows both me and my family. They inform me that my Mom's sister has cancer, again. She had cancer two years ago and had to go to the Cancer Hospital in Houston due to her not being able to have blood. (another JW thing) Two years ago they did surgery to remove the tumor and then she had chemo. She was doing real good, but apparently it has come back. So, this was a total shock to me. As much as I am upset at the JW religion, this is still my aunt that I love. So, that has been very upsetting to me. This person told me that my aunt is having surgery next week here in Kansas City. I thanked the person for telling me and then went on my way. But I am very upset. I am upset that no one is my family has told me. They don't have to talk to me, they could send me an email, or call the house during the day and leave a message. But I don't know why I was expecting them to call. My own Father had major surgery last summer and no one bothered to tell me. I didn't find out about my Father until a week or so after his surgery.

I sat most of today in my office with the door shut. We have a really small office (only 12 employees) so usually when someone has their door closed it means they are either in a meeting or something is going on. I didn't want anyone to see that I was upset. It's hard enough explaining why my family doesn't want to talk to me. About 2:30 Laura called me and asked if everything was alright. I start crying. And it's not just one of those cries where a few tears come down. I told Laura I didn't want to talk about it because it would get me all upset. Whatever..I was already upset..I am not sure why I told her that. I guess I didn't want getting more upset. She was so kind in giving me the space that I needed.

When I got home we sat and had a good talk. Have I mentioned today how wonderful she is. We were going to have a very sensible dinner tonight (salad and soup), but I told her I was feeling like Chinese. She was so sweet because I know Chinese is not her favorite. As I went and picked it up I really thanked God that she is in my life. On my way home I called her and thanked her for letting us have Chinese. I told her, "I know this isn't right, but I know it will make me feel better tonight. I know I shouldn't have such an emotional relationship with food, but I need this tonight." Her response was, "baby, just come on home".

We spent the evening just talking and I absorbed every bit of love from her. She gave me some suggestions on how to get through this thing with my aunt. (will tell you about it, but not right now.)

I am sorry if some of you out there reading this think I am "flaunting" my relationship with Laura. Tonight she was wonderful and supporitve and loving. If you think that is "flaunting" then you have never been in love.