Mirror Images of Myself

Last Chance

2009-03-18T19:08:00.002-05:00

On Friday I will be closing this blog. If you have not received an email invitation and want to read my new blog, please leave me a comment to let me know.

New Blog

2009-03-17T08:07:00.003-05:00

I have decided to close this blog. I have started a new blog and you should be receiving an email to allow you to read the new blog. If you don't get the email, leave me a comment and let me know. Typing in 80 email addresses, I know I probably got at least one of them wrong.

I will be leaving this blog open until the end of the week.

New Friend

2009-03-16T21:16:00.004-05:00

Sophie and I met a new friend today...

She is really loving all the time we have been able to spend outside. Even in the middle of the day it's seems quiet. On my second night here I was walking Sophie and looked up and was shocked at how many stars I could see. One funny thing...I went to Taco Bell yesterday (thanks to Redfrog) and noticed they close at 9:30 on Saturday nights. The Taco Bell's in KC would stay open until 3am. Thankfully I have never had a craving for a Burrito Supreme at 2am.

Today I went for my physical and drug screen for my new job. I was excited because my blood pressure was perfect at 118/80. I am all ready to go for Thursday morning. I am looking forward to getting back to a routine. I love having a few days off, but I think I just do better when I have more structure in the day.

So..tell me something good that happened to you today.........

Something New

2009-03-15T14:02:00.003-05:00

I have experienced something I never did when I was in Kansas City. Yesterday when I was out walking Sophie almost everyone that drove past us not only slowed down and moved over, but they waved at us. I imagine Sophie and I could literally walk in the middle of the road and people would still slow down and wait for us to move over. You know how when you first learned to drive you learned that the pedestrian always has the right of way? This does not apply in the Kansas City. I don't know how many times Sophie and I were almost hit because some ass was too close to us.

I have one of those stakes that you put in the ground with a leash and Sophie is loving being outside. She won't let me leave her on it and come inside, but I imagine once she feels really comfortable here she will have no problem just hanging out on the front porch. Yesterday we were sitting out there and someone walked by and she didn't bark, just looked at them. She has also spotted a few squirrels, but hasn't attempted to run after them.

I love this picture of her:

Ben continues to do so well. He is walking around and acting normal again. The fact that he has calmed down makes me very happy. I think he really likes it here.

Last night I woke up around 4am and decided to get up and see what was on TV. I ended up staying up for an hour watching a couple episodes of Roseanne. I forgot how much I love that show. It's so good to have cable again.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

I am in love....

2009-03-14T10:19:00.009-05:00

I am in love. I am sure you are thinking I am talking about S (which by the way, I am still totally head over heels in love with her), but I am actually talking about my new house and my new town. I love love love my new house. This morning S and I were up at 4:45am since she had to go into work and as the sun came up I realized how much light my house has. My apartment was so dark and kind of like a dungeon that it's nice to have so many windows and sunlight. I have no idea how I lived in an apartment with just one window. We set up the bed so that the end is right by a window and Bonk loves sitting on the bed looking out the window.

Bonk and Sophie have adjusted very well to our new home. When I first brought Sophie in she couldn't wait to get out, but now that our stuff is in and kind of settled, I thinks he knows this is home. I think she is loving all the room she has. She is currently in the bedroom on her dog bed.

Bonk and Ben have done so well and did really well in the car for the 3 hours it took us to get here. I put a towel over the carrier and I think that really helped since they couldn't see out the car window. During the drive I would say "where's the baby?" about every 20 minutes and Ben would let out a meow so I knew he was OK. Once we got to the house I put them in the spare bedroom and opened the kennel door. Both of them stayed in there for a while, but Bonk eventually came out and just started walking around like she knew this was home. Ben had to be convinced to come out later in the evening. And he is doing soooooo well. He is walking around and exploring and doing so well. I am so proud of him. Yesterday was a very stressful day for him and I am so proud that he is becoming more trusting. He is currently asleep under the covers on the bed. I don't think he got much sleep yesterday, so I expect him to sleep most of today.

Here are some pictures from yesterday:
Goodbye Kansas City....

Here is the living room and all it's boxes and Miss Bonk exploring:

Here is the kitchen.
I am still shocked at how much storage space I have. It's going to be nice being able to buy extra stuff when it's on sale. I plugged my fridge in this morning and it's already cool.

Here is the utility room:
Right now this is the worst room of the house because all the stuff that I don't know what to do with is in here.

Here is the living room:
I probably won't leave the couch there, but when the guys brought it in yesterday I just had them put it there since they were saying, "I can't believe how heavy this couch is."

Here is the master bedroom:
The bed has already been moved. The head of the bed is to the left of the picture (and up against the wall) and the end is right by the window on the back wall.

Here is Sophie after the very long car ride:
I have taken her on a few walks and she just loves the new neighborhood.

Here is Ben thinking that maybe he will come out of the kennel:
I really am proud of him because he has done so much better then what I thought. He is still pretty scared, but at least he's coming out to the living room and being somewhat sociable.

For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while know that stray cats are just drawn to me. I fed and took care of the ones at my house and then at the apartment there were about 4 stray cats that would hang out by my front door.

I hadn't been here more then 2 hours yesterday when this guy showed up:

And as you can see is is pretty happy sitting on my lawn chairs. However, he does not like Sophie at all.

I really don't plan on doing much today because somehow I have hurt my back. It started hurting Thursday morning and yesterday morning I could barely move. S has instructed me to do nothing today...no unpacking...nothing. She told me to just lay on the couch and enjoy my cable TV again. The only thing I will do is run up to Walmart to get some groceries.

When I went to pick up the keys for the house yesterday my landlord had made me cookies to welcome me to the town. I thought that was very sweet. Last night S and I went out to dinner at a restaurant that I noticed the first time we came to town. It's called "Wagon Wheel" and I thought it just looked like a fun restaurant. Well, I was right. It was so good and has the typical country food. We both ate for under $20 which isn't too bad for a sit down restaurant.

I am happy, S is happy and the babies are happy. Life is very good.

Surprise!!

2009-03-13T16:10:00.002-05:00

I am home!!

I will do a more detailed post tomorrow, but I wanted to let everyone know I arrived (as well as all my belongings and the babies) to my new town. When I got here I hooked up my digital box converter and there was nothing. It couldn't pick up on any channels. So I called the cable company hoping that they could squeeze me in. They were wonderful and were here within an hour.

I HAVE CABLE TV AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, S is on her way here right now and then we are going to get some dinner and then I will probably crash.

More tomorrow.....

See you in Oz

2009-03-12T19:23:00.003-05:00

I am exhausted!!

Today has been a very busy day. My last day at work was wonderful and I feel really loved by all my old co-workers. I went out to lunch with the managers to one of our favorite places and it was soooo good.

After I left work I went and got a haircut, went to Walmart, turned in my modem (I am using the wireless from my complex), went and picked up my fridge (thanks again Amy) and then went back to work to pass the fridge onto the the tech that is helping me move. All of that has made me exhausted. I was going to do my laundry tonight, but I am way too tired. It will have to wait until after I moved.

My moving crew will be here tomorrow at 8am and we should be in my new town by noon. So that means I should be completely unloaded in my new house by 2pm. I can't wait to get settled. S is coming over after work and I can't wait to see her. It's going to be the best weekend.

My Internet will be installed on Monday, as well as my cable. I will never take cable for granted again. I have not watched a Little House episode in weeks and I am going through serious withdrawals.

As I was typing this I got a call on my cell phone and I didn't recognize the number and guess what???? It was work. Um, yea, I don't work there anymore. I got a call last night at 11pm and I thought to myself, "it will be so nice not having to take calls late at night or the middle of the night or the weekends."

Well, I am going to eat some dinner (thanks to Redfrog I have been craving Taco Bell) and then break the bad news to the cats that we are going on a very long car ride tomorrow.

See you guys when I get to Oz.

Less than 48 hours

2009-03-11T18:46:00.004-05:00

Oh my gosh....in less than 48 hours I will be in my new home. I can't believe that the day is almost here. My entire apartment is packed up; except for my clothes for tomorrow and my bathroom stuff. Bonk is running around jumping on the different boxes like she is conquering something. Every time she jumps on top of one of the boxes she lets out a loud meow.

Of all the pets I am the least worried about Bonk. I think she has a little bit of dementia, so I really don't think she will notice the difference. When we moved into this apartment she acted like she has always lived here. She still loves to run, so I know she will enjoy running from the bedrooms and into the living room. I also think Sophie will do just fine once we get the car ride over with. And I know she is going to love having her own yard again. And I know that I am going to really love not having her eat crap that is laying around the dumpsters in my complex.

And then there is Ben. Oh my poor Ben. He is going to freak out when I put him in the bathroom while my things are being moved out of this apartment. And then there will be the trauma of being put in the kennel and the car ride. The longest car ride he has had was about 40 minutes. I hope he will forgive me.

Sophie has been eating the same food for the last couple of years and you can only get it at Petsmart or Petco. Well, my little town doesn't have one, so I decided to switch her food to something I could just get at Walmart. Last night I stopped and picked up some food for her and she loves her new food. Usually when I feed her the food will sit there for a couple of hours and then she will go over and eat it. Last night when I put the food in her bowl she went crazy and ate it up in about 5 minutes. I think she likes her new food, but the change in food has given her the worst gas. Gah...I hope it's gone by Friday because I am not sure if I could handle being in the car with a gassy dog for 3 hours.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. The thought of walking out of there makes me sad. My entire office is packed up and most of my belongings are in the trunk of my car. I hope I like my new job as much as I have loved this job.

Tomorrow on my way home from work I am turning in my modem, so that means no Internet at home. I will probably carry my laptop up to the clubhouse to check blogs and do a quick post. I won't have Internet at home (unless I can tap into someones wireless Internet) until Monday. My friend L is being induced on Monday (unless she goes into labor sooner which is a very good possibility) and I told her Monday is going to be a wonderful day because she will have her baby and I will get cable again. Yay!!!!!

Potluck

2009-03-10T18:08:00.003-05:00

Today was my potluck at work. It was a lot of fun and there was some really good food. I was sent home with a lot of the leftovers and I am trying to figure out how I am going to eat it all before Friday. One of my techs made me a separate cake. I think I am going to save it for Friday and serve it to my moving crew after we get moved. The potluck was a Wizard of Oz theme and they had the movie playing on CD during the lunch. I had to confess to everyone that I have never seen that movie. Most people are shocked when they hear that, so I guess I need to add it to my Netflix list. I was born in Kansas and lived there for the first 22 years of my life, so I have no idea why I never watched it. I am sure the church had something to do with it. :)

Here is some of the food that was there:
See what I mean...yummy food. I ate too much and felt sick for rest of the afternoon. But it was so worth it.

So I am getting reeeeally excited for Friday. I think I get even more excited (if that is possible)when I hear how excited S is. Look at the smile on my face:
This is a picture of someone that is about to see all her dreams come true.

Fix You

2009-03-09T14:04:00.002-05:00

This song (I tried to put the video on my blog, but copyright laws won't let me) has always spoken right to my heart. As I was driving up to see S yesterday I put in one of the CD’s I made and this song came on and I immediately went back to when I first started working at my current job. Songs have always been a way for me to remember experiences or different time periods in my life and this song is the song I listened to constantly right when I started my job.

When I think back to the person I was when I walked in the front door on that first day, I am truly amazed. I have become a more confident person and a person that is really happy with herself. Yes, I think S has a lot to do with that, but I think even more then S, my job played a huge role in helping me heal and grow into a better person. Because of all the support and love I received from those I work with I think I became a better person and that helped me be in a perfect place when S came into my life.

I was broken when I started my job. I felt like I was completely alone in the world and I had no idea where my life was headed. But the minute I started my job I felt like I had a purpose again. I felt like I finally found someplace that I belonged. I felt needed for the first time in months.

My co-workers have become my friends and a few of them have become like family to me. One of my co-workers has a thing in her office that says, “I could not love you more if you had been born into my family.” Every time I am in her office and I see that I wonder if she realizes that is how I feel about her? They have challenged me, they have made me fight when I thought I had no more strength, they invited me into their own families and made me feel welcome and most importantly they made me feel like I mattered in this world.
Now when I hear this song I don’t think about all the bad stuff I went through two years ago, instead of I think of my job and the people I met at my job that helped fix me.

Where it all Began

2009-03-08T19:46:00.003-05:00

Today S and I met up at her house that is halfway between our two homes. She wanted to check on it since we have got a lot of snow last weekend and then lots of rain this weekend. All was well with the house which was great. We are both really hoping the market gets better this spring and it will sell. Pulling up to the house I had lots of memories come back. This was where we met for our first date and we had our first kiss in this house. I remember driving up there for our first date and how nervous I was, but the minute I saw S I was no longer nervous and felt so comfortable around her from the very start.

Wednesday we will celebrate 7 months as a couple. I think we will save the celebration for Friday night.

As I was waiting for S to get to the house today this bird was sitting on the fence:
I look forward to putting up bird feeders at my new house. I know the cats will be entertained by the bird feeders.

Guess who I got to see today:
As you can see from this picture she was very excited to see me.

I am pretty tired tonight and don't think there will be a problem with me falling asleep. I am looking forward to this coming week, even though I know parts are going to be very sad.

One Last Trip

2009-03-08T08:22:00.003-05:00

Boy has this time change messed me up. I went to bed at 11:30 and just laid there. I could not fall asleep and was actually up when the clocks went forward one hour. I guess my lesson is: never take a nap the day before the clocks move forward. Sophie then got me up at 6:30 to go outside. That is her normal time to get up, so obviously she wasn't aware that we lost an hour of sleep. I should also add that while I was unable to sleep she was sound asleep (and snoring) right beside me. At about 1am I got on the computer to see if that would help me become sleepy and I ended up signing up to Twitter. I was hesitant to sign up for it because I knew it would become another addiction. We'll see. If you are on Twitter and want to follow me, I have put Twitter on my sidebar.

This morning I make my last trip from Kansas City to see S. The drive is nice, but I won't really miss it. Every time I ask S if she is excited for me to move her response it, "I think I am more excited then you."

Have a great Sunday and hope you didn't have as hard of time with this time change as I did.

Saying Goodbye

2009-03-07T19:17:00.003-06:00

Today I had lunch with one of my best friends. It was sad when we had to say goodbye, but she made it very clear that she is so happy for me. She said that it was so nice to see my happy and that after all I have been through it's about time that something good happen to me. I couldn't agree more with her.

It was two years ago today that Laura told me she was going to St. Louis for a business meeting and she would be gone all weekend. As many of you know, she was lying to me and instead was going to meet a mutual friend of ours. This friend and Laura had been talking for months and whenever I would say something about the two of them talking a lot, Laura would say things like, "I need to have friends" and "I can't spend 24/7 with you", etc. I remember working hard to support this new friendship (other then Sharon, Laura had no friends) and it wasn't until that weekend that I realized Laura had been lying to me for months. Here we were planning our commitment ceremony and she was talking to another woman at least 6 or 7 hours a day. I often times will wonder how I didn't see this, but Laura was really sneaky. She would say she was going to the gym, but I now know she was leaving the house and going somewhere so they could talk. After we broke up I looked at our cellphone usage and she talked with Sharon for 2800 minutes that last month. At the time I thought my life was devastated, but what I wish I knew at the time was how much of a blessing it actually was.

So here I sit two years later and I can't believe how good my life is now. S is so much more then Laura ever was. I really never knew that love could be this good. Every morning when I wake up I am thankful that she is in my life and I look forward to waking up next to S and telling her face to face how thankful I am for her.

This coming week I will be saying a lot of goodbyes and I think it will be a time of a lot of reflection. I am going to try to take in everything that happens this week and keep in mind that on Friday I get a second chance to make my life exactly what I have always wanted it to be.

Waiting.....

2009-03-06T14:30:00.002-06:00

Poor Sophie has been feeling so insecure lately. I really think she is afraid that I am going to leave her in the middle of the night. Doesn't she realize that I could never go anywhere without her?

This June Sophie will be 11. It's hard to believe that I have had her this long, but I also can't imagine her not in my life. It's hard for me to think that she is getting older and not able to do as much as she used to. S and I were talking about all the walks we will go on and I had to remind her that Sophie is older and she can't go as far. Last spring when I went walking with MJ, we walked about 3 miles and it was so hard on Sophie. She slept for 2 days after that. That was a hard walk and I swore that MJ was trying to kill me as well. :)

Yesterday I went home at lunch because I needed to get a new contact and Sophie was so excited to see me. I laid down on the bed for a few minutes and she came up and cuddled with me. Sophie does not like to cuddle but when I go home in the middle of the day she loves to cuddle. At my new job I will have an hour lunch and I will be just about 5 minutes from home. Sophie will be getting lots of cuddling time once I move.

Speaking of moving...a week from now I should be all moved in. S is coming over right after work and plans on spending most of the weekend with me. My cable/Internet will not be in until Monday, so I may have Lynilu put an update on my blog. You wouldn't mind Lynilu would you? I am not too worried about not having cable/Internet for 3 days because I am pretty sure S will keep me entertained. :)

Today is my last Friday at work. A couple of my co-workers have been teasing me about the potluck on Tuesday. I guess the entire building is invited. It's going to be weird having so many people there just for me. The co-worker I was talking to this morning said I will love what they are planning. Huh....I am really curious now.

My house is all boxed up and my office is all boxed up...now I just wait for next Friday to get here.

All I have to Say.....

2009-03-05T21:02:00.001-06:00

8 days.

Enough said.

P.S.
Since I don't have anything noteworthy to say tonight, you might go over and check out Lynilu's latest post. She cracks me up.

100 Things

2009-03-04T18:15:00.003-06:00

I got nothing today, so I decided to redo a post I did a very long time ago. Here's 100 things about me:

1. I can't wait to move in just 9 days.
2. Even though I am very excited about my move, there are times when I get very sad about all the friends I am moving away from.
3. I do hope my friends will come visit me and get to know my new town. (It really is a great little town)
4. I am really going to miss QuikTrip.
5. I imagine I will be saving a lot of money since there isn't a QT near me.
6. I love QT's Iced Tea.
7. My favorite color has always been navy blue, but the color yellow is slowly becoming my favorite.
8. I used to love the cold weather, but I am slowly finding that warm weather is a lot more fun.
9. I am completely and totally in love with S.
10. I can't wait to spend our first weekend together in my new home.
11. It will feel great to be in a house again.
12. My OCD will return since I will be responsible for mowing the lawn.
13. I can't wait to decorate for the holidays in my new home.
14. I love it when S and I talk about our first date.
15. I really love when we talk about our first kiss.
16. I think my laptop needs a tune up.
17. I am so glad I insisted on keeping the laptop with Laura and I broke up.
18. I have a feeling that my birthday this year will be the best ever.
19. I am a Gemini and so is my birthmom.
20. I often wonder if she thinks about me.
21. Did I mention that I am excited to move.
22. I am really bad at returning emails.
23. But I love getting emails.
24. I love Facebook.
25. I am hesitant about signing up for Twitter because I know I will be addicted to it.
26. The first email I sent was to my friend Amy.
27. I wasn't sure about the address so I just typed her name into the "to" part.
28. It was returned to me. (no surprise)
29. I love getting mail that isn't bills.
30. I love looking through catalogs.
31. When I was younger I used to look through the JCPenny's catalog and pick out the items I would buy if I had a baby.
32. I always thought I wanted children.
33. But now I am not so sure.
34. My friend L is due to have baby any moment and the other day I got to feel the baby move.
35. It really was pretty amazing to feel the baby kick.
36. I miss my nephews sooo much.
37. I worry that my oldest nephew thinks I have deserted him.
38. When he turns 18 I plan on contacting him.
39. I hope I will be able to find him when he is 18.
40. I do not miss my brother; at all.
41. He made my life miserable for years.
42. When I was 15 I had my first checking account.
43. When I was 16 the bank told me I could no longer bank there because my brother had stolen my checks 3 times.
44. My parents never came to my defense about that.
45. I feel like my parents sacrificed my well being so my brother wouldn't be arrested.
46. I miss cable.
47. When I was growing up I was not allowed to have a TV in my room.
48. But I did have a stereo system and I made sure my parents could her my music.
49. I love music.
50. I use music as reference to experiences.
51. When I think about my Mom the song that comes to mind is Dancing Queen.
52. It's hard for me to listen to Dancing Queen.
53. My first concert was Whitney Houston.
54. I went with my Dad and he made me wear a skirt.
55. My first concert with my friends (and no parents) was Debbie Gibson.
56. The last concert I went to was Kenny Chesney.
57. My favorite Ice Cream is Rocky Road.
58. I can only eat Rocky Road Ice Cream if there is Magic Shell on it.
59. I am a Jayhawk (University of Kansas) that will be living in Wildcat country (Kansas State).
60. I told S that only love would make me want to move to Wildcat country.
61. The biggest town that is near my town is Manhattan, KS where the Kansas State campus is.
62. I am going to miss my local news station.
63. I have watched the Channel 9 news since I was a kid.
64. My local news will be from either Topeka, KS or Lincoln, NE.
65. Have I mentioned I am excited to move.
66. I love that I will be so close to S.
67. I can't wait until she becomes my wife.
68. I have a horrible habit of biting my nails.
69. I don't like plain milk; only chocolate milk.
70. I miss Brady.
71. I really miss Astro.
72. I can't wait to get cable again and catch up on the new episodes of Intervention.
73. I want to take S to England one day.
74. If we moved to England we would be able to get married.
75. I don't think I would ever move to England because I couldn't put my babies in quarantine for 6 months.
76. S and I have talked about taking an Olivia vacation.
77. We love the idea of being able to show affection in public without anyone looking at us weird.
78. S and I have a dream of buying a piece of land with an old farm house and no neighbors.
79. I am looking forward to seeing the stars again at night.
80. My new town doesn't have a McDonalds and I am OK with that.
81. It does have a Subway, which makes me very happy.
82. It also has a 24 hour Walmart.
83. I will be living just one block from the historical downtown.
84. My new house has no basement, so hopefully there will be no tornadoes.
85. I am so excited that I will have a garage again.
86. S loves it when I read to her.
87. S calls me on her way into work and I love that her voice is the first voice I hear in the morning.
88. I love when S lays her head on me.
89. I love that when we are driving in the car we always hold hands.
90. There is very little on TV on Wednesday nights.
91. And Saturday mornings are even worse.
92. I graduated high school in 1992.
93. I should have graduated in 91, but I had to repeat first grade.
94. I always thought there was something wrong with me since I had to repeat first grade.
95. I can only brush my teeth with cold water.
96. I rarely let my car get below half a tank of gas because I have a fear of running out of gas.
97. When I was younger and we would go to McDonalds I would always get the McFish.
98. My friends always laughed at me for that.
99. I love it when S reminds me that she is my family now.
100. And finally...have I told you how excited I am to move.

Whew.....I dare you to list 100 things about yourself on your blog.

Another Message

2009-03-03T17:29:00.004-06:00

Another day closer to my move and another message on my board. I need to start wearing something that shows how many days I have left at work because every time I pass someone in the hall or they come to my office the first thing they say to me is, "How many days?" The other popular thing to ask me is, "Are you excited?" Most can tell from the constant smile on my face that I am indeed very excited.

I think Sophie is getting very nervous. For the last week or so she is getting me up 2-3x a night to go outside. I don't know if she is afraid that I will sneak out of here in the middle of the night without her, but she is making sure she knows where I am all the time. The cats are also wanting extra attention and by bedtime I am usually making them get off my lap because I do need a little space.

Last night I was all ready for bed and then decided to check something out on Youtube. Bad idea. I ended up staying up way past my bedtime watching old episodes of You Can't Do That On Television. As I sat and watched the episodes I wondered why I ever liked the show. Talk about stupid. And then I came across this clip. How many of you remember this at the beginning of all movies on HBO? It was a nice trip down memory lane.

So....tell me what's new with you.

Final Countdown

2009-03-02T17:34:00.002-06:00

This afternoon someone wrote this on my door. I thought it was cute. About 5 minutes after I took this picture someone erased it. I asked the person why they erased it and they said, "We are not suppose to celebrate the fact that you are leaving." It is sad that I am leaving so many great co-workers, but every time I get sad about leaving all I have to think about is my new life with S and I can't help but smile.

I don't remember a time when I have been so excited and happy about something. This move is huge for me, but surprisingly I am not too stressed at all. Money will be very tight for the first couple of weeks, but even that I am not too worried about. I know it will all work out. The fact that I will be using a dorm size fridge for probably a month or so is not big deal for me. It will all be good.

Next Tuesday one of the units at my work is having a Potluck for me and the theme will be "The Wizard of Oz". I thought that was really cute and can't wait to see what they come up with.

I guess that's about it for today. For those of you tired of reading about how excited I am about moving, etc....You might stop reading for a couple of weeks. I have a feeling that the only thing I will be writing for the next couple of weeks is my upcoming move. I am so excited!!!!

Molly

2009-03-01T19:27:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I did absolutely nothing. I slept for most of the day and just didn't feel like doing anything. It didn't help that when I woke up it was cold and snowy outside. I did manage to make it out around 3pm to rent the movie Changeling. It was just OK. It was really long and when the movie was done I decided I needed another nap. It was nice doing nothing yesterday.

Today I got to see S and of course that made me very happy. She's like this ray of sunshine in my life and really makes me realize how loved I am. I told her today that I am lucky because my best friend is also the love of my life. She is so good to me and for me.

Today we decided that her cat, Miss Kitty, really needs to be around other cats. Miss Kitty is young and full of energy and needs someone to play with. My Ben is also fairly young and tries all the time to play with Bonk who really isn't up to playing. So about a week after I move Miss Kitty, who has now been re-named Molly, will come live with me. I think it will be good for Ben to have someone young that he can run around with and chase. I thought it would be a good idea to allow my babies about a week to adjust to the new place and then we will bring Molly home. I can't wait.

Oh and the best part about Molly....she is a total diva and loves to have her picture taken:

This is my favorite picture of her:

She is going to fit in perfectly with my little family.

Snow!

2009-02-28T08:10:00.004-06:00

We finally got some snow!! I woke up this morning around 2:30am and looked outside and there was nothing. I figured the weatherman had messed up the forecast again and again we would get nothing. But then when Sophie woke me up at 7:30am I looked out and saw about 3 inches on the ground and it's still coming down pretty good.

Sophie was thrilled that there was snow and I am thinking we will be taking lots of walks today. I love how she runs her nose in the snow. Once inside she cuddled up with one of her favorite toys and of course one of my gloves:

I am so glad that I got all my errands done last night. I also decided to do my laundry because I didn't think it would be fun walking up the hill to the clubhouse to do my laundry. I am only wishing I had stopped at Blockbuster to rent a few movies. I really miss having cable.

"Don't Make Me Get In Your Face"

2009-02-27T18:27:00.002-06:00

This was said to me today by one of the clients. He was upset because I assigned him the weekly chore of cleaning the kitchen. And cleaning the kitchen only consists of wiping down the tables and counter tops after the meals. He started yelling when I assigned him the chore and thankfully there was another staff member in the group with me and she took him out of the group. As he was leaving he walked right past me and got right up in my face while pointing his finger and said, "don't make me get in your face". I was never afraid, but I did think he was going to hit me. Thankfully he didn't and ten minutes later he was discharged. I love working in the addictions field, but it's frustrating when you have clients like this. His little outburst has only hurt himself.

Several of you asked about my new job and what I will be doing. I will be working in a very small hospital (only 25 beds) and I will be the social worker for the whole hospital. The hospital is small, but it is the only hospital in the county. During the interview they told me they serve about 10,000 people. I imagine I will be doing a lot of discharge planning and coordinating of services like medical equipment and evaluating patients that might need extended care in the home. When I was getting my masters degree I did my internship at a local hospital and worked with all 5 social workers that were in the hospital. I am looking forward to the challenge of the new job and I am really looking forward to the fact that this job will be a lot less stressful.

Tonight we are suppose to get about 3 inches of snow. This whole winter we have only received about a dusting of snow, so I am kind of excited about the snow. I checked the weather for my new town and they are suppose to get about 2 more inches then the KC area. Oh how I wish I was already moved. Snow + a fireplace+ S.....that would be the perfect weekend.

Tired

2009-02-26T17:30:00.002-06:00

I am so tired. This is progress from last week since I was ready for the week to be over by 9am on Monday. So, I think it's pretty good that I made it all the way to Thursday before becoming overwhelmingly tired. This morning when I got up it was dark, gray and raining outside. It didn't help that the cats didn't even move when I got out of bed and stayed there until I walked out the door. When I came home this evening Bonk was in the exact same spot. I wonder if she even got off the bed today?

I am looking forward to having almost a week off when I move. Starting a new job is always very tiring, so I decided to start on a Thursday. I will only have to work 2 days and then have a weekend. This will give me time to get used to my new house as well as the pets. I know we will all be happy when we are living in a bigger space. Sophie and the cats will have more room to run and Sophie can bark all she wants without me worrying about a neighbor complaining.

This morning S called me on her way to work just to say good morning and that she loved me. She is so sweet and every day I am thankful that she is in my life. I am so damn lucky.

Taking March Back

2009-02-25T10:39:00.004-06:00

The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about a certain incident between me and Laura. I think part of me is thinking about it because I am shocked that I allowed someone to treat me like she did.

In the fall of 2006 we decided to get bikes. We had some really great bike trails right by our house and we thought it would be a great way for us to exercise together. The first time we decided to go to the trail we loaded up the bikes into her car and drove to the trail. When the bikes were in the car my gears must have shifted because the minute I put my feet on the pedals the chain came off. Laura was pissed. She was yelling that she couldn't believe I did that and now we would have load the bikes back up and go home because she didn't have the tools to fix the chain. As we drove home I apologized to her and she just sat there and didn't say anything to me. I remember feeling so stupid and like I had done something really bad. She didn't talk to me all the way home.

Looking back on my relationship with Laura there were many other times where she would get angry with me for stupid little things. And if I ever expressed any anger about something she did she would snap at me like I had no right to be angry or upset.

I don't know why I have been thinking about the incident with the bike lately. Maybe it's because I am in a wonderful relationship and I know S would never ever treat me like that. When I was sharing this story with S last night she was shocked that Laura would act like she did for something that was an accident.

It's funny because when I was with Laura I knew our relationship was not perfect, but I still felt like I was pretty lucky to have her. Next month will mark 2 years since we broke up and now that I have put some distance between her and the relationship we had I am seeing that it was very unhealthy. It makes me sad that my self-esteem was so low that I felt like she was the best I could do.

Thankfully I didn't give up on myself and realized that I deserved so much more (and better) then Laura.

March has always been a rough month for me because that was the month my ex-husband and I decided to divorce and that was the month where Laura and I broke up. I think it's great that I will be moving during the month of March. I feel like I am taking back the month of March and I know this March will be one that I will never forget.

Dinner with Friends

2009-02-24T20:51:00.004-06:00

Tonight I had dinner with two of my friends L and MJ. They wanted to take me out since I will be moving in a couple weeks and they took me to my favorite restaurant Kokopelli's. It is the best Mexican food in Kansas City.

I got my favorite appetizer: (This picture is for you Lynilu)
I really will miss Kokopelli's and I imagine every time I come back to visit I will be eating here.

Yes, I will miss Kokopelli's, but I will miss these two even more:

Great Day

2009-02-23T17:35:00.003-06:00

Today was a great day. I woke up before my alarm went off and didn't try to find a reason why I should stay home. I love my job, but lately I have been so tired and getting out of bed has been a struggle. But this morning I got up and headed into work. And I had a great day at work. I felt like I got a lot accomplished and overall it was a very productive day. Even when one of my techs called in and I had trouble finding coverage I wasn't stressed by the fact that I might have to work tonight. Thankfully one of my wonderful techs volunteered to do a double shift today.

I got an email from my new job and they are wanting me to sign up for a training. I have to have my Kansas Social Work license in order to start work and I am really hoping it comes in times. I guess the worst thing that could happen is I start a few days later then what I had planned. But I am pretty sure it will come in time.

Last night I had the strangest dream about my Mom. In my dream I went back to the church to visit her and she had about 3 developmentally disabled adults with her. As I was standing there the elders told her she had to leave because they were being disruptive. I started yelling at the elders that she should be allowed to stay because she was just trying to help them. She then left and there was a lot of commotion outside and there ended up being a shooting. As I tried to see if my Mom was OK the road was blocked and I couldn't get to her. I wonder what this dream means? Just so you know, it it totally out of character for my Mom to be helping Developmentally disabled adults. That just isn't her thing.

I just got a TXT from S saying, "I can't wait to hear about your day." Reason #4 why I am so excited to move....I can tell S about my great day in person.

So...how was your day?

Dottie's 1st Road Trip

2009-02-22T19:50:00.002-06:00

I got to see S today, so it was a very good day. It was the first time that I drove my new car and I was curious as to how she would do. I had noticed that the car really doesn't get great gas mileage in the city, but on the highway it was perfect. I made it there and back (about 250 miles) on 1/2 tank of gas. That is even better then my Honda. The other thing I noticed was I wasn't thrown around the highway as much because this car is a lot heavier then my Honda. It was a smooth ride the whole time and I am now excited to plan my road trip to see Lynilu.

Both S and I look at the time we spend together as a time for us to recharge. Not seeing her last weekend was probably part of the reason the week seemed so long. But after spending the day with her I feel ready to take on the world again.

It was a pretty low key day, which is something we both needed. We watched our favorite movie and just enjoyed being with each other. We also talked about how things have really changed in the last six weeks. On January 4 I asked her to marry me and the next day I was sitting in a co-workers office looking out the window and I thought to myself, "what the hell am I waiting for. I want to be with this woman and there is nothing holding me back from moving out of Kansas City." I went back to my office and googled social work jobs in her area and came across my new job. That Friday they called me for an interview, the next Friday I had my interview and the following Friday I was offered the job. It's crazy how fast things happened, but I think it also shows that this was meant to be. In this economy and this recession, it's not very common for someone to decide to look for a job and less then 3 weeks later have a job. I have always been really proud of the fact that I got my masters, but this whole get a new job and move out of Kansas City makes me even more proud of myself.

This morning when I was in the shower Sophie decided the napkins on the table sounded like a good snack. I asked her if she got into them and she just looked at me with these sad puppy dog eyes. I don't think she realized she had half a napkin sticking out her mouth:
She's not a good liar.

Another Saturday Night

2009-02-21T20:58:00.001-06:00

This video shows how much I miss cable. Feeding Sophie off a fork is how I entertained myself tonight. After her treat she went and got a drink from the toilet. Yes, I know I lead such a thrilling life.

Friday Night Treat

2009-02-20T20:49:00.002-06:00

I decided on the way home I needed a treat. I have not eaten out in a week and I thought that some ice cream would be good for tonight. I was right.

I don't know why, but I never thought this week was going to end. And now that it's over I feel great. I have had a really quiet evening. I didn't do any packing and just watched a bunch of TV, including my TV girlfriend Super Nanny.

Tonight when I got home my neighbor upstairs came out and told me that a few nights ago he was pulling into our complex and someone hit his car and kept going. And yet another reason I am glad I am moving. The parking lot of my complex can get crazy at times and most people drive really fast and don't care that you are walking on the side of the road. Usually when I car comes close to me and Sophie I just step up into the grass so we won't get hit. But what I want to do is yell..."slow down asshole". You have no idea how nice it will be to have my own driveway again.

I was told last week that I have been talking a lot about my upcoming move. This move is completely different then any of my other moves. I never went away for college and have always lived in the same 15 mile area. So this move is huge for me. I have always dreamed of moving out of KC, but never thought I was strong enough or had enough courage. I was thinking back to when I was dating STL and she wanted me to move to St. Louis. I had found a place and even sent my deposit check, but the day after I mailed my deposit for my apartment I realized this probably wasn't the best thing and canceled everything. This move is different....the minute I was offered my new job I was ready to move. And even though I have had many obstacles since deciding to move (car wreck, ect) I have never once doubted my decision to move.

S and I were talking tonight and I told her that now that things are pretty much done for my move I now have time to start thinking about my new job and I am getting excited. I love learning new things and I know my first few weeks at the hospital are going to be filled with a whole lot of learning.

I promise you that I will stop talking about this move in 3 weeks. :)

Your Week in 3 Words

2009-02-20T09:41:00.001-06:00

Because I want to be just like Lynilu, I am copying her idea for this Friday.

How would you describe your week in just 3 words?

My Week:
It's finally over.

Bonk and the Boxes

2009-02-19T17:25:00.003-06:00

The last week or so I have been hearing a new sound as I sleep. Bonk has discovered the boxes and loves to run and jump on them. I don't think she realizes she is 22.

I have been thinking about how I am going to coordinate moving the pets when I move. At first I was going to come back and get them once everything is unloaded at the new house, but I really don't think I want to have to drive 5 more hours that day. I am sure I am going to be exhausted as it is. So I think I will load them all up in the car with me and that will save me an extra trip. I am meeting my new landlords there the day I move, so once I have signed all the paperwork I will move them into the spare bedroom. I only told them I have one dog and one cat. I never know if people will be upset if I have 3 pets instead of 2. And if they ever come in the house they would never see Ben. Even when I come home from work Ben goes running and hides for the first few minutes. I am thinking of getting something for the cats so that they can sleep most of the way, but I am a little nervous about Bonk. She is so old and I worry that it might make her sick. I really wish they could understand me so I could explain to them what is going on.

A few weeks ago one of the stray cats came right up to my window. As you can see Ben was not impressed at all.
This stray cat is so friendly and I wish she would find a home. When I walk Sophie she will walk right besides Sophie for the entire walk. I am sure people that drive by and see this cat walking with Sophie get a good laugh.

Thanks to Amy I probably will have a refrigerator when I move in. It's just a dorm size fridge, but it will do for a few weeks. Once I get a regular refrigerator it will be great for pop and bottled water. Thanks again Amy.

This has been the longest week and I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. And even better, I get to see S on Sunday. It's been two long weeks since I have seen her. That is way too long.

Wednesday

2009-02-18T18:16:00.003-06:00

The last couple of days I have been just exhausted. It seems to take all my energy just to get up and get to work in the morning. S reminded me that I have had a lot of life changes in the past month and that is probably why I am tired. I just wish the next 3 weeks would fly by so that I can get moved and then I can finally have a moment to sit and relax.

On Sunday I noticed that I was getting a yeast infection. I really didn't want to spend the money for the treatment so I looked up on the Internet to see what home remedies they suggested. I found one where you take a tampon, dip it in plain yogurt and then insert the tampon. I tried that and it did not work, so I ended up going to the drug store today and buying something for it. Hey don't laugh, I was trying to save some money.

Speaking of money...I am so broke right now. I know that once I move and get settled things will be a lot better financially, but right now I just have more money going out then I have coming in. What has really hurt me is the money I had to spend on my ticket for the expired tags. I am glad that is all over with, but that was a big hit to me financially. Plus the new tire I had to replace on Dottie and well, I feel so poor right now. Every Friday all the managers go out to lunch and I will not be going out with them this Friday. I would rather use that money for gas to go up and see S on Sunday.

Speaking of S....boy do I miss her. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have seen her and I miss her like crazy. Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed (which is not that often) by this move, all I have to do is think about the fact that I will see her almost everyday once I move. In our six months together we have probably only spent 12 nights together, so it will be nice waking up next to her most mornings. I do imagine that will make it harder getting to work in the morning. :)

Yesterday I thought I had a refrigerator all lined up, but the deal fell through. So I am back to square one for looking for a refrigerator. I really don't have the money for a brand new one, and there aren't a lot of places around my small town that sell used appliances. I am not going to worry because it will all work out.

Each night I have been doing a little more packing. I have settled down and don't mind living in total chaos, but it will be good once I get settled in the new house. Oh, when I was packing last night look what I found:
Snoopy is going to look so good in front of my house next Christmas.

One Step Back....Two Steps Forward

2009-02-17T12:36:00.003-06:00

About a week ago I emailed my parents to let them know I was moving and that I would like to get together with them before I move. I knew that I wouldn't hear from my Mom and the only reason I included her email address was because I didn't want her to come back at some point and say, "well you never included me in your emails." I didn't tell them where I was moving to, just that I was moving 2.5 hours away. I received an email from my Dad yesterday. He said that he would like to get together with me to see what has been going on with me. He then asked me if I was buying a ranch. I was kind of excited by the email, but then I got to thinking and maybe I should have never emailed them.

My family has always had very poor boundaries. They believe in keeping everything private from the outside world, but in our own family there is no privacy. Does that make sense? I remember the first email I received from my Mom after I came out to them and she was asking about how lesbians have safe sex. Seriously, I was 31 years old and my sex life is none of her concern. About 4 months after I was kicked out of the church and my family disowned me, Laura and I ran into my Dad while we were having lunch. He was there eating by himself and we invited him over to our table. He did come over and it was a very awkward lunch. One of the first things he asked me was, "where are you working and how much are you making now?" It's almost as if my parents refuse to see that I am an adult and will always view me as the young Caroline who should be telling her parents everything.

I am not sure what I was expecting when I emailed them. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just let things rest. Maybe it's because deep down the little Caroline is still wanting to be loved by her parents and to have their approval. I think I am realizing that I will probably never meet their very high expectations.

It's hard when your parents disown you and I don't think you know how you would handle it unless you were in the same situation. It's really hard to accept something that you simply can not understand.

The positive in all of this, I don't think I am as emotional about the whole situation as I was even just a year ago. I guess it's true that sometimes in life you need to take one step back in order to take two forward.

As far as meeting my Dad, I don't think I am going to meet him. I know it sounds crazy since I was the one that emailed him, but I really don't think I want to open the can of worms that this could open. Because really, if we did meet it's not like we would have a normal relationship. He would just find out more things about me that he has no right to know. At least no right since he disowned me almost 5 years ago.

Some things are best left in the past. And I need to remember that 5 years ago my family made this decision.

Dottie's First Check Up

2009-02-16T13:02:00.005-06:00

I guess I forgot to mention that I did name my car. Thanks to Lynilu's suggestion I have named her Dorothy, but will call her Dottie for short. When I said something to my co-workers they started laughing so hard. I think Dottie fits her just right.

A couple days ago I thought the left front tire looked a little low and told myself I would keep an eye on it. Well this morning when I got in my car I knew for sure that it was pretty low. As I drove to work I didn't notice any problems while driving it and it seemed just fine. About two hours after I got to work I had one of my co-workers look at it and he said that it was very low. I decided this would be a good time for Dottie to get her first check up to make sure that I hadn't just bought a lemon.

Good news....they said that Dottie is one of the best used cars they have seen. Yay for Dottie. They said the only thing that needed changed was the air filter and since I know nothing about cars I let them change it for me. She also got an oil change. I did have to purchase a new tire and the reason they gave me sounded pretty good even though I had no idea what was wrong with the tire. I figured if they were going to screw me they would have told me I needed all new tires.

After I picked up Dottie I went to the Dollar Store because I am looking for some cup holders. Would you believe there are no cup holders in the car. It's crazy. I didn't find any cup holders, but I did finally replace my sunglasses that somehow disappeared in the rental car. I remember hearing them fall between the seat, but I could not find them at all. I am pretty happy with my sunglasses and glad that I am not blinded every time I drive somewhere.

Even though I have to work today and I had to deal with some car issues, today has been a very good day.

Random Things on this Sunday

2009-02-15T13:32:00.003-06:00

I have officially started packing. In just 4 weeks this will all be over with and I will be in my new home. I can't wait, but there is also a lot to do before this move.

My apartment is a mess!!! It's hard packing everything when you are in such a small place. I like my house to be neat and orderly and right now it's anything but that. Sophie and the cats are realizing something is up and every time I pull out a box to start packing Ben goes into hiding. I think they are all feeling a little insecure and I wish I could explain to them that our next place will be so much better.

Yesterday I had a guy come by and look at my kitchen table/chairs. Someone I work with was going to buy it, but this past week decided he had no way to get it to his house. So when this guy called about the table I thought I was finally going to get rid of it. First of all, the guy wanted to come by Thursday night to look at it and I told him Friday after work would be better. There was no way I was going to have some strange guy come to my house after dark. Then Friday he called and asked if he could come by Saturday around 1pm. So yesterday I had gone grocery shopping and got home around 12:15pm and he called saying he was a little early and would it be OK for him to look at the tables now. The groceries were still in their bags when he came in. He looked and looked, sat on each of the chairs and then said it would be hard for him to get the table up 8 flights of stairs. He then said, the best he could do is $35. (I was asking $50) I told him nope and he left. I then decided I am just going to keep the table/chairs until I can find something I really like.

On Thursday I got a letter from the place I bought my car saying they needed a copy of my insurance. When I bought the car I asked if they wanted to see my insurance and they said, "no that's OK." So when I got the letter I thought I would take care of it when I got my new cards with the car information on it. Then yesterday I got another letter from this place saying that I was in breach of my contract because I didn't have coverage on the car and I had 24 hours to surrender the car. WTF??????? I call the place and they said they would not take my insurance card from the Honda and that the information had to have my car information on it. The lady was so nasty and I was pissed at this point. I did get a hold of someone at State Farm and they couldn't find my policy. At this point I am pretty upset. Finally, after about 5 minutes the lady said they must have been having computer problems and they found my policy and would fax it to the dealership right away. Yesterday was such a stressful day.

Last night I watched the movie W. It was actually really good. I will be excited when my little experiment with no cable is over. Weekends are horrible for local TV. Right now I am watching a program called "My Teen TV". Hey, but the good news is The Amazing Race starts tonight. I can't wait.

One last thing...if you happen to see S, let her know that I will be home in just 26 days. :)

2009-02-14T14:26:00.001-06:00

Happy Valentines Day!!

This song is for the my S. Thank you for loving me.

I'll be home in just 27 days.

Just Me

2009-02-13T09:39:00.004-06:00

Okay so the rules are simple. Just do what each ones says then tag 8-10 of your friends and laugh. Have FUN!

1.YOUR REAL NAME: Caroline Ann Murphy

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names) Alice Rodgers

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Stuart John

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Murcar

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal) Blue Dog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born) Ann Merriam

7. YOUR OTHER SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number) Ann Meadow Lane

8.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Yellow Coke

9.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) Carhy

10.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Rocky Road Chocolate Chip

11.SKANK NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on) Polly Meadow Lane

12.GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of first name plus 'izzle') Carizzle

13.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Bonk

14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy) Escape Hershey

This was fun. I am not going to tag anyone, but let me know if you want to play along on your blog.

29 Days

2009-02-12T18:02:00.002-06:00

Today when I got to work there was a message on my voicemail from one of my techs saying how he was going to miss me and that he wished me luck on my move. For some reason there were a couple people that thought today was my last day at work. I quickly went up and reassured him that I was not leaving yet and I would be around for another 4 weeks. He seemed very happy that I was going to be around for another month.

Most people are very excited for me and my new adventure that I will be starting in a month. But I have had a few people that are clearly upset that I am moving 2.5 hours away. Today I was in a meeting and when someone found out where I was moving she rolled her eyes and said, "OK". Now this isn't someone that I am really close with, but seriously why would you do that? Someone else at this meeting kept telling me how happy he was for me and congratulations on my new job. He then said that that he was sad that I was leaving, but always is glad when someone moves onto something else.

As I was driving home I was talking to S and she put it very clearly...."You need to be closer to me." And she is right...she is my family now and I do need to be closer to her. If people don't understand that then I really don't know how to explain it to them.

The hardest part about moving is the fact that I am leaving so many friends behind. Just because I am so happy about moving, doesn't mean I am not going to miss my friends here in KC. I am going to miss them a lot.

March 14

2009-02-11T18:51:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I read this article at MSNBC. It's a great article about how you don't have to spend a lot of money to be romantic or to show someone that you love them and that it's all about the moments.

S and I will not be able to spend this Valentine's day together. At first I was pretty disappointed but I am OK with it now. I keep reminding myself that I will be there in just a month and we will no longer have 125 miles between us. When I used to dream about moving out of KC I always thought that I would be sad and that it would be hard. I know I am suppose to be moving next month because I don't ever remember a time when I was so excited about the future. I feel like I am getting a whole new start on life....new car, new home, new job and the best part...being with S.

It was six months ago that S and I first met. After just six months I can't imagine my life without her. She is the best of the best.

Today while we were talking S and I decided to celebrate Valentine's day the day after I move...March 14. I think it would be cool if this became a tradition to us.

The Letter R

2009-02-11T12:47:00.002-06:00

A very long time ago Lynilu had a post where you would leave a comment and she would assign you a letter and you had to then list 10 things that you love that start with that letter. I was given the letter R. I apologize to Lynilu for being so late in this. If you want to play along, just leave me a comment letting me know you want to play along and I will answer you in the comment section and assign you a letter. It's actually really fun. Here are 10 things I love that start with the letter R:

*Red Barns: In the last couple of years I have fallen in love with red barns. There are about 3 when I drive to see S and one of these days I am going to stop and take some pictures. My dream one day is to have a place out in the country and have my very own red barn.

*Rain: I love when it rains. Part of me feels like maybe I should live in the Northwest where it rains all the time. I especially love when it rains on Sunday afternoons and I can take a nap with the sound of rain hitting the windows.

*Rivers: I love when I am driving to S and there are so many little rivers. I love seeing all the crazy names as well. I prefer rivers/lakes over ocean water.

*Radio: I love the radio. I got very spoiled when I had the rental car since it had satellite radio. I have to have a radio when I am at work. Having music in the background really helps me get things done at work.

*Re-Runs: Most people don't like re-runs, but that is most of the television I watch. I love re-runs of Roseanne, The Golden Girls and of course my beloved Little House on the Prairie.

*Red: Before I met S I wasn't a huge fan of red, but now whenever I see the color red I think of my "lady in red".

*Romance: I love romance. Romance doesn't have to be going out and spending lots of money...it can mean just doing something for your partner that will make their day easier.

*Rice: Love fried rice. There is one Chinese restaurant in KC that has the best Chicken Fried Rice. When I was 15 I was babysitting for this couple and they got me and the kids Chinese take out and that was the first time I had tried Chicken Fried Rice. When I want Chicken Fried Rice I still drive to that one Chinese restaurant.

*Road Runner: I love the Internet through Time Warner. It's so fast and I have never had any problems with it. I am hoping the Internet I get once I move will be just as fast.

*Rural: I love rural areas and the feel of a small town community. Just 30 days until I move. Yay!!

New Look

2009-02-10T17:56:00.005-06:00

I have been playing with my blog and really like the new look. It feels really warm to me. I think it's perfect that the title of the background I chose is titled "Paradise".

My life is so good that it feels like I am in paradise. :)

Busy Tuesday

2009-02-10T13:16:00.002-06:00

It's been a busy day and it's just 1pm. Here is a list of things that I have gotten down so far today:

*When I had the car accident I got a ticket for expired tags. The ticket did not show how much the fine was going to be and when I called the court house a few weeks ago they said I had to come to court. I was not looking forward to driving 1.5 hours to get to court by 9am in a few weeks. Plus, the court house is in the same town as the wreck and I am trying my best to avoid that town all together. Anyway, so I called again this morning to see if they would just let me mail in the money and I was able to talk with the county prosecutor (oh, that sounds like I did something really bad) and they are going to let me just mail in the money for the ticket and court costs. I am sooooo happy. The lesson in all of this is to never let my tags expire again. The fine plus court costs is almost $300. Ouch.

*I called the gas company, electric company, water company and cable/Internet and got all of my services set up for my new house. This was a huge relief to me to get this done. I have never had any utility services in Kansas, so I was worried about deposits, etc. The gas company is making me pay a deposit of $250, but they will break that down into my first 4 payments. The electric company has a deposit of $180, but if I get a letter from my current electric company saying I am a good customer, then they will waive the deposit. Yay. The water company wants a deposit of $100, which is no big deal. And there is no deposit for my cable/Internet. I am thinking of not having a home phone for right now, but I guess that will all depend on my cellphone coverage at the house.

*I called State Farm and let them know about my new car. So far my rates have gone down $55 for 6 months. She told me I will see a drastic change once I move since I am moving to an area with literally no crime.

The only thing left to do is find a refrigerator. There is a small business right down the street from my new house that sells used appliances, so I am going to go visit them in a few weeks and see if I can buy a fridge and if they will deliver it. My landlord has also talked to several people to see if they know of anyone that is selling a fridge.

This move is coming together so smoothly and I am just so darn excited. I am having trouble sleeping at night because I am so excited about the move. I don't think anyone really understands how this move is really like a dream come true for me. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to move out of KC and into a small town. I know that small town living is not for everyone, but this is a dream I have had for so long.

And the fact that I will be so much closer to S makes this dream even sweeter. Seriously...I don't think life can get any better. I am so lucky and so blessed.

New Wheels

2009-02-09T14:24:00.002-06:00

Here's my new car. It's a 2003 Taurus and I really like it. It drives really smoothly and it feels good to have my own car again.

I decided against the VW Bug because since I will be living in a very small town I don't know any places that would be able to work on it. My new town has a Ford Dealership, so I know if I need to I can get it worked on.

Now I just need to come up with a name for her. (yes I name everything)

The Inside

2009-02-08T21:46:00.011-06:00

Today S and I drove to my new town to take a look at 3 other places just in case we found something better. Bottom line, my little stone house is the best and it's where I belong. The people renting it out are an older couple that have owned the house since the wife's aunt passed away in 1979. The wife is a social worker who also graduated from KU.

We met them at the house this afternoon for me to one last look before I officially committed to renting the house. The other time we looked inside was before I interviewed for my job, but seeing it this time I see how everything was suppose to work out exactly the way it did.

Here are some pictures of the inside. This first picture is the living room. I love the windows and the fireplace. Can't you just see Sophie and the cats looking out the windows.

This is a picture looking the other way into the living room:
I am in love with the build in shelf. And the little shelf to the right is where the phone goes. Love it.

Here is the bathroom:
There is a huge closet in the bathroom for storage.

This is the 2nd bedroom:
I think this room will be perfect for a spare bedroom/office. And again, there is tons of storage space.

This is looking down the hallway from the 2nd room. The master bedroom is at the end of the hall.
There is also a huge closet in the hall. I have no storage space in my apartment, so I am not sure what I will do with all this storage space I will be getting.

This is the master bedroom:
I am not a huge fan of the carpet, but S likes it and says it adds character to the room. There is a built in vanity that is great. I just love all the built in shelves, etc that are in the house.

Here is the kitchen:
Most would think this is a small kitchen, but again, the apartment I am in now has literally no kitchen. The little space between the sink and the stove is all the counter space I have now. And there is tons of cabinets for storage.

This is the utility room off the kitchen that leads to the garage:
Hopefully within a couple of months I will be able to buy a washer/dryer. It will be so nice having a washer and dryer again.

This is the view into the garage:
It's not a huge garage, but will surely fit whatever car I end up getting. I can't wait to have a garage again. S is very jealous of the fact that I will have a garage.

As we were leaving the house the lady said, "well, looks like I need to take the For Rent sign down". You have no idea how happy I am.

It was a great day and I can't wait to get this moving thing going. As we were driving to the town S and I were talking and she was worried about me moving away form the only town I have lived in. I explained to her that I feel lonely when I am in KC and I need to be where she is because whenever she is there I am never lonely. I am so in love with her.

Here is something funny. S has been feeding a stray cat for about six months. I have been joking with her that this really is her cat and eventually the cat will be inside. Look what I found when I got to her house today:

Elizabeth goes in tomorrow to have her shots and to be fixed. And yet another thing that makes me love S even more. :)

Finally

2009-02-06T17:40:00.002-06:00

Today the claims adjuster came out to my office so I could sign the check for the car. I am not sure what I was expecting, but the guy was actually really nice. I know claims adjusters have a bad rap, but my adjuster seems to be a nice guy. He told me that the guy that hit me admitted that he was not paying attention and was distracted. I was a little surprised that he told me this, but I also think it's very clear that the wreck was completely his fault. He even shared with me that his 11 year old twin boys have Cystic Fibrous. We also talked about my claim for the personal injury and the how that process will work. I was really surprised at how our entire interaction went.

The best part of today......By signing the check I have no more ties to Laura. I feel like I should celebrate. I have been waiting for this day since March 7, 2007. I don't hate Laura and I know we had some really good times, but it feels so damn good knowing that we are no longer connected to each other.

As I get ready to leave my current job, I can't help but think about where I was when I started in May 2007. I am not sure if I have ever shared this, but a week before I started my job I sat in my living room with an entire bottle of sleeping pills and tried to find a reason why I should not just end it all. I had even called Laura's parents asking them if they could watch Sophie for a day because I didn't want her there when I killed myself. Thankfully they said they couldn't watch her. As I sat there I heard s small voice and I decided to call one of my friends. She came right over and talked with me and helped me come up with a plan of how I was going to address all the problems I had. I am so thankful for that friend and the fact that I didn't give up that night. I also believe that my job and those I work with saved my life. A couple of my co-workers have become my closest friends and I can't imagine my life without them. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to them.

S had a rough day at work and I hate that I am 2 hours away from her. So my #2 reason why I am so glad I am moving....I can give my girl a hug when she is having a bad day.

Reason #1

2009-02-05T13:54:00.002-06:00

My apartment building is on a hill and my apartment is on the bottom level and I have to take the steps each time I leave or walk Sophie. I am convinced these stairs are evil.

I have fallen many times, the most recent time I about broke my ankle. In the winter they are slick and when it rains they are very slick. If it's raining there is always water pouring down them and when it snows it usually turns into a sheet of ice. My apartment complex is usually pretty good about clearing them when there is snow or ice on them, but I still find them extremely dangerous.

This morning Sophie was very excited to go for her morning walk. As we headed up the stairs she took off running and the next thing I know she tripped and smashed her head right onto one of the cement steps. Hearing her head hit the step was so horrible and it scared the both of us. When I got up to her she was just laying there and had a little bit of blood coming out of her nose. I tried to look her over, but she wanted up and to continue our walk. She seemed to be fine and when we got back to the apartment I looked over her well and there was no more blood and her mouth/teeth seemed fine. She didn't seem to have a bump on her head and her eyes seemed fine.

As I sat at work this morning I kept worrying about her. I wondered if maybe she had a concussion since she hit the step so hard. I decided at lunch to go home and check on her and thankfully she is just fine. She still kind of looks out of it and I will continue to keep an eye on her. I am so thankful that she was not seriously hurt.

As I begin the process of moving I am going to start a list of why I am glad I am moving. Today's post is reason #1 why I am glad we are moving....there are no stairs in our new home.

Sick Baby

2009-02-04T21:44:00.002-06:00

My poor Ben is not feeling well.

When I got home Ben was in my bed and under the covers. This is a common thing so I didn't think too much about it. But he usually comes out within a few minutes of me being home, but tonight he stayed under there for 2 hours and only came out because I pulled the covers back to see what was going on. He came and sat on my lap and I noticed that he had a watery eye. Poor guy has a cold. I am going to keep an eye on him for the next day or so and if he doesn't get better then off to the vet we go. I think this picture shows how he really doesn't feel well.

5 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day at my job. As excited as I am to be moving onto a new part of my life and something I have dreamed about my whole life, it's going to be really hard to say goodbye to so many people that have become my friends. It's going to be really hard.

Home

2009-02-04T10:34:00.002-06:00

Five weeks from Friday this will be my new home. The couple that are renting it called me this morning and said all my references were wonderful and they would love to rent me the house. Yay!! They are also being wonderful because they are going to hold the house for me until I move.

I knew the minute I pulled up to this house that I belonged here. It's amazing how everything has worked out so perfectly for me to move closer to S. I am a planner and I could not have planned the way things are just working out for me and S.

This house is wonderful because it has wonderful, big windows in the front for Sophie and the cats to look out. Sophie can bark all she wants without any worries of an upstairs neighbor that hates dogs.

On Sunday S and I are going to the house to take another look at the inside and I will take some pictures. I can't wait for this new chapter of my life to start.

Thanks for the ride Lulu

2009-02-03T14:39:00.002-06:00

Lulu looked so sad at the lot today. They wouldn't let me on the lot, instead they used a fork lift to bring her up to the front where I could get my belongings out. I hated seeing her on the fork lift and then being dropped right in front of me. I know it's just a car, but I loved Lulu and I will miss driving my Honda. When they first brought the car up I was shocked at how bad the back of the car looked. I am very lucky I was able to walk away from the wreck without more serious injuries. Lulu did a good job in protecting me.

I was able to get all my belongings out; even the stuff from the trunk. I was kind of worried about the stuff in the trunk since it was so smashed up. I was even able to pull this off the car:

One of the things that I really wanted to get was Brady's collar. The day I put him to sleep I put his collar around my gear shift and I never moved it. I was happy that it was still there.

Today has been a long day. Two doctors appointments, an appointment with an attorney (more on that later) and then saying goodbye to Lulu. I think I need a nap.

This & That

2009-02-02T21:27:00.002-06:00

Last night when I was driving home there was a car in front of me that had a TV screen in the back seat and I was amazed at how clear the picture was. I could tell they were watching some sort of music video and I was just shocked at how clear the picture was. It was almost distracting. Anyway, I tried to take a picture (not the best thing for someone that was just involved in a car accident) and this is the picture I got. I thought it was pretty cool and one of my new favorite pictures.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off work because I have 2 doctors appointments, an appointment with an attorney that will hopefully help me with a case against the person that hit me and then I need to go get my stuff out of LuLu. I know it will be sad to see her again because I am still so upset about the accident. I loved my Honda so much and tried to take such good care of it. I worked really hard the last two years so I could keep the car. Laura worked really hard to get me to let her have the car, but I told her I would do anything so I wouldn't have to give up the car.

The first thing I thought about when I realized I had been hit was, "I have no idea what I am going to do for a car." Now that a week has passed since the wreck I am realizing that this wreck has probably been a huge blessing. First of all, I will be completely free of any ties to Laura. You have no idea how wonderful it feels knowing that I never have to talk to her again. After I talked with her last Sunday to tell her about the car I decided that I would let the claims adjuster deal with her. I really feel like I am able to start my new life with S free and clear of my past with Laura.

So, I am loving my rental car. It's a 2009 Ford Focus and it only had 50 miles on it when I picked it up. The best part:
....is the satellite radio. I am totally loving the 80s station. I can't get enough of my 80s music. Last night while I was driving home I listened to Casey Kasem's Top 40 from January 1984. Once my finances are settled and a little bit more stable I may need to invest in satellite radio for my car.

I will probably have until the beginning of next week to find a car. I am going to wait until the very last minute to buy a new car. I have already been approved at one place and I am still deciding what car I want. They do have 2 very cute Volkswagen Bugs, but right now they may be a little bit out of my budget. If I could get them to come down just a little bit then I would take it in a heartbeat. One of them is Silver and the other is Green.

I am still waiting to hear from the people that are renting out the cute little stone house that I love. S and I drove past it again yesterday and I just feel like it is home. I feel real strong about the energy you sent out into the universe is what you get back. When I went in for my job interview I went in like it was already my job and I believe that is part of the reason I got the job. So I am just not worrying and already thinking of when I move into the little stone house.

Thank you all for all your wonderful comments. I love hearing from all my readers that don't comment that often. I love hearing from all of you and I am so thankful that there are so many of you that want to follow me on this journey.

Did You Make It?

2009-02-02T13:16:00.002-06:00

Hi Everyone. Just checking to make sure everyone made it. Leave me a comment and let me know that you have arrived safely.

Thank you all for wanting to follow me on this journey of mine. The next six weeks will bring lots of changes in my life and I really can't wait for it all to get started.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Going into Hiding

2009-02-02T12:45:00.002-06:00

BE SURE TO CHECK BELOW FOR NEW POSTS

I've decided to make my blog private. I knew I was going to make my blog private when I moved, but now that I am dealing with the car stuff (and legal stuff surrounding the wreck) I think I would feel more comfortable if I knew who was reading my blog and not having all the details out there for anyone to read.

Please leave me a comment with your email address so I can get you added to the list. You can also email me (carolinesemail73@yahoo.com), but I would prefer you leave a comment with your email.

I hope you guys will understand why I need to go into hiding for right now. I will be making my blog private probably next Monday.

You guys totally rock and I appreciate all the kindness you guys have shown me.

I Love My Life

2009-02-01T23:16:00.002-06:00

Today was a very good day. I drove up and spent the day with S and we enjoyed a drive in the country and we also spent some time in my soon-to-be hometown. I feel so at home there and know this is where I belong right now. I can't believe my dream of living in the country will come true in just about six weeks. The icing on the cake is the fact that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life will be just 40 minutes away.

One of the things that both S and I love doing is looking at old churches. We came across this church that really was in the middle of nowhere and it was just beautiful. I love how S knows so much about all these old churches and knows where the most beautiful ones are. Even though I still have a problem with organized religion, I somehow feel closer to God when I am standing in front of a beautiful church. As I stood there today I looked up and thanked God for seeing me through the car wreck last week and for continuing to give me strength when I think I have none. The elders that told me God would no longer love me when I was disfellowshipped had no idea what they were talking about. Not only has God continued to love me, but I feel that through all the struggles I have gone through He has proved them completely wrong and pulled me in closer to Him.

The past six months with S has also shown me how much God has blessed me. When Laura left me I felt I did not deserve to be loved and there must be something wrong with me. The last six months I have realized that not only do I deserve love, but I deserve the best and S certainly is the best of the best. I now know that Laura was not good for me and the break up was a way to get me to the love that I do deserve.

S loves me exactly the way I am. Not only does she love all my good traits, but she understands my struggles and even embraces them. Most of the time when I am struggling with something I don't even have to say anything to her, she just knows. When I feel disappointed in myself she reminds me that I am OK exactly the way I am.

I know that no matter what happens in my life, everything will be OK. I have gone through a lot to get to this point and the peace of mind I feel is something I have never felt before.

I love my life.

She Has No Idea....

2009-01-31T20:19:00.001-06:00

......that she is 22.

I love the way she just walks away at the end.

Quiet Saturday

2009-01-31T18:03:00.002-06:00

I have been keeping my right foot elevated with a chair and this pillow and yesterday Ben decided that the pillow was a perfect place for a nap. He's so cute.

This morning I went back to the doctor and I am still waiting to feel better. I will be going for treatments everyday through next week and then will go to every other day. All of the staff has been wonderful and always nice to me, which makes it nice. After the doctor I did some grocery shopping and then did laundry. It was actually a very quiet day, but as usual by 5pm I was exhausted.

I noticed today that local TV programs are soooooo boring on Saturdays. There was nothing on but basketball and paid programming. Maybe I miss cable a little bit.

Tomorrow is someones birthday:
I can't believe she will be 22 tomorrow. She may actually out live me.

It's Friday and I am Exhausted

2009-01-30T18:22:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was not feeling well and pretty sore so I decided to take the day off from work. Not only am I really sore, but I get tired so easily. I am having problems with my right ankle (and leg) so walking anywhere has been a struggle and just wears me out. I am having back spasms, neck spasms and pain and just overall feel like crap. I am having trouble sleeping at night because I can't get in a position that is comfortable. I feel so old.

I started my treatments yesterday for my neck, back and right ankle. Right now I am mainly getting warm electrical treatments on the muscles. It feels so good and they put a huge heating pad on my back during the treatments. When I am laying there I feel no pain. The Doctor has tried to do some adjustments, but I have a lot more healing to do before he can actually do some good. I go every day (including Saturdays) for the treatments and I am waiting for the day when I start feeling better afterwards. Right now I feel a little more sore when I leave, but the Doctor has guaranteed me that soon I will feel better. I hope so.

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a lawyer and I feel good about that. Until I made that appointment I kind of felt alone in this whole thing and now I know that I will soon have someone out there working for me to help me recover what I have lost in this whole mess.

Yesterday the claims adjuster called me and offered me $3000 less for my car then what I owe. I really had no choice but to settle with the property damage. My car is being brought to a lot in Kansas City, so hopefully Monday I can go get my things out of the car. I am going to take a lot more pictures of the car as well. I think the ones I have are good, but I don't think it will hurt to take some more in different views. I am going to try to pry off the H that is in the back for a memento. Since the back is all smashed up, I don't think they will notice or care.

Yesterday I took my cable box and turned it in, so I am on day 2 without cable. A co-worker is letting me use his digital converter so I at least can get the local channels. It's really not that bad and I am thinking that maybe I should have done this a long time ago. I realized today that this is the first time (that I remember) in my life where I have not had cable. I was talking to a co-worker today about how people were joking that I was spoiled and she said, "you weren't spoiled, just taken care of really well." I liked the way she rephrased that. I remember when I was 8 or 9 watching VH1 and MTV with my Mom and we were so excited about the music videos. I think one of the channels I will miss the most is Lifetime. I love those Lifetime movies.

Thank you so much for all your comments and emails about me going private. It means so much to me that so many of you want to continue to follow me on my journey. I am thankful for each of you. And all you lurkers...you need to comment more often. :)

I get to see S on Sunday and that makes me very happy. Last weekend was kind of spoiled because of the whole car wreck, so it will be nice to be able to just spend time with her without so many worries and concerns.

Happy Friday everyone.

Faith

2009-01-28T19:36:00.003-06:00

Today has been a hard day. I heard from the claims adjuster and the amount they are going to pay me for my car and the amount I owe is about $3000 short. I guess I shouldn't say "I owe" because Laura's name is on the title and loan as well. I decided that I don't need to talk to her anymore and will be giving the claims adjuster her name and number so he can coordinate with her to sign off on the title. It will be nice having no more ties to her.

I know that I will get through this and probably be stronger, but it's just a struggle right now to see how it's all going to work out. I know I just need to trust the process and maybe this experience is teaching me how to stop worrying about things I have no control over.

Now I start looking for a car. It's probably going to take another week for all the paperwork to be signed, etc and then I will have 5 more days with the rental car. I am hoping to go looking for a car next week and hopefully I can find something fairly cheap and something I would like.

Tomorrow I am shutting off my cable and home phone. One of the shows that I am going to miss is the one with the Duggars. (the family with 18 kids) Tonight the oldest son gets married, so I am happy that I get to see this episode. Getting rid of cable will mean no more Little House, but thankfully one of my wonderful blogger friends sent me the first season on DVD last year. I am even thinking of not having cable once I move. I watch too much TV anyway, so hopefully not having cable will mean I will do more reading or spend time outside. Plus once I move, I will have S to entertain me. And to me.....that is way better then cable TV. :)

I just keep telling myself that it will all work out. I have no idea how...but I have faith that it will.

Official

2009-01-27T19:17:00.002-06:00

This morning one of my co-workers took me to get my rental car. I got a brand new Ford Focus. It's so new that there was only 50 miles on it when I got in it. It's a cute little car, but I really do miss my Honda. :( There is part of me that really hopes they just total it because I know if they fix it I could still have problems, but it's hard because I really loved the car. I left a message for the adjuster today to see if he had heard anything about my car. I am anxious to get my belongings out of the car.

My day at work was good. I do so much walking at my job and I really noticed how sore I am. I called and got a claim # so I can now go to the doctor and have an appointment tomorrow at 9am. Today I was standing talking to one of my techs and all of a sudden I got a horrible back spasm. I have never had one before and it literally took my breathe away. Last night I woke up at 3am and had spams in my legs and had trouble getting back to sleep.

I turned in my official notice at work and my last day will be March 12. I started telling my techs, which has been very hard. Most of them have been shocked and very upset. There are a lot of changes going on at work and I know my timing is really bad, but this is an opportunity I can't pass up.

I called about this house today:
It's still for rent, so I sent off my application and hopefully it will soon become my home. I already feel like it's my home and I am already thinking of ways I want to decorate the inside and of course the outside during the holidays. :)

Tonight I stopped and gave notice of my apartment as well. So...it's all official now. There is a lot to do between now and mid-March, but I feel so good about all of it. And with all the stuff I am selling I won't have as much to move.

I may have a lot less "stuff", but life is still really good.

Update

2009-01-26T21:30:00.002-06:00

I finally got a call from the claims adjuster and he said that after talking with the other driver they most likely will accept responsibility for the accident. He also set me up with a car rental, so it will be nice to have a car again. We are suppose to get some bad weather tonight, so hopefully I can find someone to take me to pick the car up tomorrow.

I am suppose to go back to work tomorrow, but boy is my head hurting. I have had a headache since the accident and today it seems to have gotten worse. I think I am going to try to get into to see someone tomorrow. I still have a knot on the back of my head and my neck hurts when I bend it back or to the side. I really do need to go to work because there are a few things I need to take care of since I have accepted another job.

I sold my coffee table and end tables and they were picked up tonight. I am also selling my kitchen table and chairs and several other things. It's going to be a struggle coming up with the money for my taxes/tags and deposit for a new place, but I know I can do it. I am also going to be shutting off my cable and home phone this week, which will save me $100/month. S is going to lend me one of the DTV converters she has so I will have some reception. And of course I will keep my Internet since I have a slight addiction to the net. Downsizing and simplifying my life feels good and something I should have done a long time ago. It will be a fresh start all the way around and I can't wait.

I took these pictures of Ben last night. He loves to lay on the chair where my computer usually is. Normally when I set the computer on the chair he will get up and move, but last night he just stood there.

Since I got home last night Ben wants to be right next to me. I really feel he senses that something happened to me and just wants to give me comfort. I love my babies.

New Favorite Quote

2009-01-26T11:24:00.002-06:00

I found this quote as I was reading my blogs this morning waiting for the claims adjuster to call me back. I think it fits my situation perfectly.

“When a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born- and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.”

- Anne Lamott, “Traveling Mercies: Some thoughts on faith.”

My dream of living in the country with S is trying to be born and all these struggles I have experienced in the last few days are only labor pains and just like when a woman gives birth, once I am there I will quickly forget about all the pain.

So Much to Be Thankful For

2009-01-25T20:25:00.006-06:00

I am done feeling sorry for myself. Even though I may not understand it right now, everything happens for a reason; even this car wreck.

I took this picture of Sophie yesterday morning before I dropped her off at my friends house. This picture is a reminder of all I have to be thankful for. So tonight this is what I am thankful for:

*I am thankful that Sophie was not with me when I had the accident.

*Part of the reason I was hit was because I was turning left into a Burger King because I had to use the bathroom. I am thankful that I did not pee my pants when the wreck happened. :)

*I am thankful that S was just 30 minutes away from the wreck. I am also thankful that I got to spend the afternoon, evening and night with her and allow her to just love and hold me. Her love is the best cure for anything bad.

*I am thankful that I was not seriously hurt. I am sore, but thankful that I wasn't driving faster then my very busy guardian angels.

*I am thankful that my call with Laura went OK.

*I am thankful for all my friends who have called me, helped me get home, and just told me they love me and are there for me.

*I am thankful for Craigslist because I have made some extra money tonight by selling some things. (anyone want to buy an iPod??)

Life is still very good and I have so much to be thankful for. And yes, I have been through things a lot worse in the last year....I can handle this.

LuLu

2009-01-25T13:38:00.003-06:00

My poor LuLu.....

Please keep me in your prayers. I have no idea what I am going to do because the Kelly Blue Book value of my car is probably about $2-3,000 less then what I owe on it.

I feel so helpless sitting in my apartment away from the woman that I love and I have no car, I am not sure how long it's going to take for his insurance to kick in and get me a car rental and I have no money to get myself a rental and then be reimbursed.

Oh, and because my tags had expired (I was trying to save for the taxes on the car...long story) I got a ticket for expired tags. I have until 2/23/09 to come up with the $1300 for them.

I am trying really hard to have a positive attitude, but right now it's so hard to see how I am going to find myself out of this mess. I know I have made bad decisions and I wish I had done things differently.

I have to make a phone call today that I really don't want to make. I have to call Laura to tell her because her name was on the car and she needs to know and will probably need to sign some paperwork. She is the last person I want to talk to right now.

I have a knot on the back of my head that is killing me. I am pretty sure it is from my head hitting the back of my seat. This morning when I woke up I was laying on my back and I was in so much pain that it took me a few minutes to roll over to my side. If I can find a way to the Dr. tomorrow I might try to get it. It's weird because I think I feel OK and then I do something and my body reminds me that it is hurting.

My car is 1.5 hour away from me and I am worried about my belongings in it. They wouldn't give me time to get my stuff out because they had to get my car off the highway and once it was on the tow truck it was officially his property and he said I had to wait until the insurance company paid the bill. In the car was Brady's collar (I had it around the gear shift) and the tag from his collar.

I am completely overwhelmed right now...........

Another Announcement

2009-01-24T16:12:00.002-06:00

On my way to S's house someone hit me from behind and my car is most likely totaled. I was turning left into a Burger King (I had to use the bathroom) when this person did not see that I was turning and hit me. My trunk was pushed into my back seat and the impact pushed the car 200 feet. I am pretty sore and not too sure what I am going to do now. This really was a horrible time for this to happen. All car rental places are closed until Monday, so I am kind of stuck of here with S which isn't that bad I guess. :) She will bring me home tomorrow so I can start the hard work of trying to settle this case.

The good thing is Sophie was not with me and I am OK.

But seriously...I should be celebrating my new job and looking for a place to live in my new town. This just really sucks, but I am also very happy that I am OK and still here.

I had my camera with me and will upload pictures tomorrow.

Huge Announcement

2009-01-23T20:32:00.007-06:00

Here is the short version of my announcement:

Three weeks ago I decided I wanted to start looking for a job that was a lot closer to S and to follow my life long dream of living in the country.

Two weeks ago I got a call back from one of the resumes I sent out.

One week ago I interviewed at the hospital in this town.

Today I was offered a job as the hospital social worker and I accepted the job offer.

In less then 2 months I will be moving to a town of 3500 (and 2.5 hours west of KC) and be living just 30 minutes from the love of my life.

My life is so good right now.

Who wants to come help me pack and move?

Much more details to come.....

It's Almost Friday

2009-01-22T19:42:00.002-06:00

I have been working really hard this month to eat better. I am taking my lunch everyday (except Fridays) and cooking each night when I get home. Not only am I saving a bunch of money, but I am feeling so much better. Now all I need to do is get my butt to the gym and I imagine I will start to lose some serious weight. I can't seem to get motivated for the gym and I am not sure why. I go back to the doctor on Feb. 5 and I was really hoping to have lost some weight by then. The good thing is I have been very faithful with my medications, so I know the doctor will be happy about that. She mentioned last time that I have not been the best with taking my meds and she is right. Last time I went to the doctor I was shocked at how high my sugars were and something inside me finally realized that just because I may feel OK my organs could still be damaged. I could also no longer deny the fact that I was diabetic.

Since we got that snow last Friday my car has been so dirty. This morning I was having a hard time seeing out my window so I decided it was time to go wash it. It looks like a new car and is so beautiful. I swear my car drives better when it's clean.

Sophie gets to spend Saturday night with her boyfriend Hank and I know she is just thrilled. Actually, Sophie is kind of anti-social so I don't know if she is actually that thrilled. It's really good for her because she comes home completely exhausted and usually sleeps for a whole day straight.

Tomorrow if Friday and it's the last weekend that I will have a weekend supervisor, so I am going to really enjoy this weekend.

Back to Work

2009-01-21T12:53:00.002-06:00

Yesterday when I returned to work one of my techs had written this message for me. After a long weekend with S it was hard coming back to work, so it was nice seeing this message.

Yesterday was a great day to be an American. For about 45 minutes our entire agency just kind stopped and everyone (clients included) watched Obama being sworn in. It was neat watching the clients get so excited about the new President and be interested in the Inauguration. I am thankful that I got to watch it live and not just see clips from the news. My favorite part was when Obama said, "We must pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off." I really felt hope that our country was going to turn itself around after listening to his speech.

This week could bring a lot of changes in my life. I can't go into a lot of detail right now, but hopefully by the end of the week I will have an exciting announcement.

I did my taxes last night and I am getting $200 back from Federal and I owe Missouri $35. I wanted to see how much I would get back if I was filing as a married person and would you believe it was almost $1700. Right now, $1700 would really help me.
Maybe one day I will be able to file under the married status again.

How are you guys doing?

My Amazing Life

2009-01-19T17:45:00.006-06:00

Saturday was a very lazy day around my house. Both the cats usually fight to sleep next to me on the couch and on this day Ben won. Watching a cat (or dog) sleep is sooo relaxing to me.

I had the privilege of spending the last two days with S and as always...it was wonderful. Our relationship is not perfect, but it's pretty darn close. We decided early on to always be best friends first and to always love with respect and kindness. When I was with Laura we always talked about being nice and treating each other with respect, but with S I feel like we actually are doing what we said we wanted to do.

We went shopping and I found this calendar:
It is the coolest calender and has lots of cool pictures. And the best thing...it was 75% off. Yay for sales. I love this show and can't wait for it to come back on. Does anyone know when it's coming back on??

We went and saw The Curious Life of Benjamin Button last night. What a wonderful movie. The cool thing is...his birth Mom has the same name as me. (before she got married) When her name was said both S and I looked at each other and laughed. It's not too often when I hear someone that has the exact name as me. There were a couple parts that really touched me and made me think about my own life. I think I was meant to see this movie right now and at times it was like the characters were speaking right to me. The most important thing I took away was...It's never too late to change your life.

S is so funny because this morning I moved around 5:30am and she said, "Oh, you're awake." Apparently she had been up for a while since she is used to getting up around 5am. Thankfully after a back rub she feel back asleep until 8am. We ended up staying in bed until almost 11am. I don't know about you, but there is nothing better then a lazy morning watching your favorite daytime shows in bed. It was a perfect morning.

Today was just another day where I looked back on how far I have come in the past year. A year ago I was getting ready to move into my apartment not knowing how my life was going to look even six months down the road. And here I am just 12 months later with so much love and friendship in my life that it's overflowing. The last 12 months have been very challenging, but I wouldn't change one single thing.

My Poor Neglected Blog

2009-01-17T16:21:00.005-06:00

I was informed by someone that I am neglecting my blog and I need to blog more often. So...let's see....what has been going on.....

Yesterday was a totally crazy day. When I went to bed Thursday night the news said we might get a few flurries. When I woke up Friday morning I noticed it was a little brighter then normal and when I looked outside there was about an inch of snow on the ground and it was still snowing. I had planned on driving out to see S after lunch so I was praying that the roads weren't that bad. Well, the roads in KC were horrible. As I left my apartment complex there was someone in the ditch and there were about 4 wrecks on my way to work. It was crazy. By the afternoon the sun was out and most of the roads were clear.

I loved being able to meet S at her house when she got off work and we enjoyed dinner that her Mom had made. It's going to be nice when last night is what every Friday night is like.

By the time I got home, took Sophie for a walk and took care of a couple things with work I was exhausted. I was hoping to sleep in, but at 6:30am both of the cats woke me up because they were out of food. I was so tired last night that I forgot to stop and pick them up more food, so they paid me back by getting me up really early. So I was up and out of the house by 7am to go get my babies food. I would say that makes me a very good Mom, but the fact that they ran out completely kind of voids that.

After Walmart I ended up running a bunch of errands and then I came home and took a nap. S is coming down early tomorrow for rest of the weekend. She is off on Monday and I took the day off so we could spend some time with each other.

Here are some pictures from the last couple of days:

I love how Sophie and Bonk cuddle. I think it's so sweet how Sophie kind of looks after Bonk and is so gentle with her.

Here Sophie is pretending to be asleep so I will leave them alone.

What do you guys think of this house?
I found this house near S and I think it's so cute. Would you believe the rent is $200 less then what I am paying now? And there is a garage which is something I have really missed.

So that's what has been going on. I guess I do have a lot to blog about. :)

P.S. I totally want to see this movie.

Sophie's Surprise

2009-01-15T18:00:00.003-06:00

If you read my post from earlier today you know that my day did not get off to a great start. When the maintenance guy was here this morning to let me in my apartment he said that I probably needed to have the weather stripping replaced and to call and schedule and appointment for them to do that. I forgot to do that today. When I got home I couldn't get in my apartment again. Damn. I tried and tried (boy does my finger hurt from this) but couldn't get in. By this point Sophie was barking and when I looked in the window this is what I saw:
Apparently Sophie was bored today and decided to get into the trash. She had spread it all over the apartment. Here's the bad thing...I knew that I had to call the maintenance people again to let me in my apartment. I was so embarrassed. Thankfully he unlocked the door and didn't look in. OH, and he said he would be back tomorrow morning at 8am to fix the door. He even said that he would make sure he was here when I left in case I had trouble locking the door. I thought that was nice.

Here is a picture of Sophie and her lovely surprise for me:

I work 1/2 day tomorrow and then I am off until Tuesday. I am so excited I can barely sit still.

Frigid

2009-01-15T10:17:00.002-06:00

Right now the temperature is 0 and I am wishing it was sunny and 80 degrees. I think I am finally over this whole love of winter. I am ready for things to be green outside and for Sophie and I to be able to go for long walks.

Every time it gets really cold I have trouble locking and unlocking my apartment door. This morning when I took Sophie out for a walk it took me a couple tries, but I finally got the door locked. When we got back to the apartment I couldn't' get the door unlocked. I tried and tried, but finally stopped because I was afraid I was going to break the key. And wouldn't you know it, this was the one time I didn't have my cellphone. Luckily I saw one of the maintenance guys and he came over and tried a couple times and finally got it open. He told me to call in a maintenance order because it shouldn't be this hard to get open. I felt so bad for Sophie because when we got inside the hair around her mouth was full of ice. Poor baby was so cold. So I grab my stuff and when I try to lock the door it will not lock. I tried for about 5 minutes and finally I decided that it was not going to lock. So I call my boss and sit and wait for the office to open at 9am. I noticed someone was there around 8:30am and she said she would send someone over as soon as possible. About ten minutes later the maintenance guy shows up and after a few tries gets it locked. He looked at me and said, "it's working now". I told him that I should not have to struggle this much with getting my door locked and unlocked and he said they would replace the weather stripping because he thought that was causing the problem.

I have been struggling with things to write about on my blog because my life is so normal right now and I am sure you guys would get tired of me writing every day how wonderful S is. I am sure you guys would get tired of me saying how she is so sweet and how she loves to send me TXT messages that simply say, "You are the best part of my life." Every time I get one of her TXT messages or emails I have to pinch myself because I can't believe that this wonderful, smart and beautiful woman loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She always tells me she is the lucky one, but really...I am the lucky one.

So that's about it for now. Life is really good, a little cold, but really good.

103 Days

2009-01-13T13:55:00.002-06:00

Today marks 103 days that I have been a non-smoker. Yay Me!! The first few days after I quit I remember thinking that 100 days seemed so far away, but I flew right past 100 days without evening realizing it. I actually had to sit down and count the days since I have lost count. I always knew I would have this whole smoking thing beat when I lost track of how many days I had not smoked. My next goal is 6 months because that is when MJ said she would buy me dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. :)

Last night I feel asleep on the couch at 8pm and only woke up because S called me at 10pm to say goodnight. Last Friday night I went to bed late and then was wide awake at 5:30am (I think I was excited about seeing S) and then of course I got very little sleep Saturday night, so I am wondering if that is why I am so tired lately. Or maybe it's the weather. It seems to be so much work to get dressed and bundled up to walk Sophie in the cold weather. This morning when I walked Sophie it was 7 degrees and by the time we got back to our apartment I couldn't feel my legs. I am taking 1/2 day on Friday and then taking Monday off so I am hoping I will get caught up on my sleep; or maybe not. :)

I am thinking of making my blog private again. I know for sure that when I eventually move closer to S I will be making this blog private because I have put a lot of stuff out there and living in a small town is so different then a major city where you can kind of disappear into the crowd. I will keep you guys updated on that.

Tonight I am having dinner with one of my really good friends. I have not seen her in ages, so it will be good catching up with her. As excited as I am to move closer to S, I know it's going to be a very emotional move as well. It's going to be so hard leaving the only place I have ever lived and of course it's going to be hard leaving all of my friends.

S and I were saying on Saturday how amazing it is that things are just falling into place for us to be together. Honestly....I couldn't have planned it better myself. (and I am a total planner) I have a feeling that this spring is going to be filled with lots of changes and really I can't wait.

My Weekend

2009-01-11T19:53:00.007-06:00

Is it Sunday already? Why is it the week goes so sloooow, but the weekend just zips by. I miss my girl. I hate not being able to be with her everyday. And I really hate having to come back to the city.

Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Ben has decided that his favorite place to sleep is the arm of the couch. When I woke up Saturday morning this is how I found him sleeping. So sweet.

When I went to visit S I went a different way and part of the way was on the Kansas Toll. The drive seemed so much smoother, so I may drive this way from now on. On the way home today I pulled up to the toll to pay and I couldn't find my ticket. I ended up having to pull over and it took me about 5 minutes, but I finally found it. There was no way I was going to pay $15 for a $2 toll.

Yesterday S and I just went for a drive in the country. There is just something about the country that makes life slow down. I love how S is OK with me pulling over literally in the middle of nowhere to take pictures of a fence.

This is where I belong and I know one day very soon this dream of mine will be a reality.

When we turned the corner to go home I loved how the sun looked on these trees. Is it just me, or is even the brown of winter beautiful in the country? Yea, it's probably just me.

Sophie stayed with my friend L and as you can see she was just fine. L sent me this picture to show me how well she was adjusting. L and her husband just moved into a new house so we weren't sure how Sophie would do. When I went to pick up Sophie I don't think she wanted to leave. :)

I am already counting down the days until next weekend. On Friday I will be having dinner with S and her Mom and then on Saturday S is coming down to KC for the long weekend. I hope this week just flies by.

It's Friday

2009-01-09T19:14:00.003-06:00

I think someone has been feeling neglected since I haven't posted pictures of her in a while. I know I am biased, but she is so darn cute.

Tomorrow morning I am getting up early and taking Sophie to my friends house for the night. S and I wanted to spend the whole day together (and maybe the night) and I didn't want Sophie to be locked up all day. I would take her with me, but I don't think she would be too happy about the 2 hour car ride.

I am going to enjoy the next couple of weekends because soon I will be on-call at work all the time. My weekend supervisor turned in her resignation and for right now we are not going to replace her. I just pray that I don't get a lot of calls or have to go in on the weekends.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

6 Random Things

2009-01-08T07:23:00.000-06:00

I took this picture last weekend when I was at S's house. She has this beautiful chandelier in her dining room and I thought this was a cool picture. S's house has so much character and I could literally walk around all day taking pictures. I was suppose to go see her on Sunday, but last night she asked if I could come on Saturday instead so I wouldn't have to rush back. Since I hate leaving Sophie alone all day (and she hates car rides) I decided to leave her with my friend for the day. This way I don't feel like I have to rush back. And I am excited because the next weekend she will come down to my place for the long weekend. Three whole days together...I can't wait.

A very long time ago Lynilu tagged me for this MeMe. Here are the rules from what I can remember:

1. List 6 random things about yourself
2. Tag 6 People to do the MeMe

So here goes.....

1. I love stale popcorn and chips. When I get take out from a Mexican restaurant I will often times wait to eat the chips until the next day. I also always take my popcorn home from the movies because there is nothing better then stale butter popcorn. Yum.

2. I can't stand Gloria Estefan's voice. There is this one Christmas song that they played a lot this year and every time I heard it it was the most horrible sound. Fingernails on a chalk board sound better then her voice.

3. I am really going to try to read more books in 2009 and not watch as much TV. I'll let you know how this goes. BTW, did anyone see the new Real World last night? They have a transgendered individual on there. Looks like it's going to be a good season.

4. I have been to 14 Hard Rock Cafes. When I was a teenager and that was the cool place to go, I said that one of my life's goals was to go to all of them.

5. When I was in elementary school I was put in a special class for people that had trouble reading and because of that I thought I was stupid. I find this interesting because I don't ever remember having problems with reading. I wonder if it was because I was just so quiet and shy.

6. I hate flavored water. I love the taste of regular water and when I drink flavored water I feel more thirsty.

That's it. I decided I am not going to tag anyone. Let me know if you play along.

Dreams

2009-01-07T07:00:00.000-06:00

On Sunday S and I went for a drive and we came upon this old church. I have this new love for old churches/school houses and barns. I get all giddy when I think about how one day very soon I will see many barns and old buildings as I go to work.

The last 3 nights I have had some very interesting dreams. I really think my mind is trying to clear some things up before starting my new life with S. I have had dreams about the crazy woman that I moved in with for 2 weeks and several regarding my family and the church. The dreams about MG I show up at her house and the whole time I am wondering what happened to my life because things were so good and I don't understand why I am back with her.

The dreams about the church and my family have been a little more emotional. The first one I showed up at the church and everyone just kind of looked at me and then started yelling at me. Then the second one it was like I was in group therapy with someone from the church and my Mom's sister who was like a second Mom to me. I was telling the group how hard it was when I would run into my family at the store and they would not acknowledge me or when I would run into my Mom at the store, tell her I love her and she would walk away. (all of these things have happened) This other person from the church got up and hugged me and told me how sorry she was that I had to go through that. My aunt...she just sat there with no emotion. It was all very strange and sad at the same time.

There are going to be a lot of changes in the next few months and even though they are all good changes, there will still be some stress. I have sent out 5 resumes so far and heard from 2 places that say they are really interested in considering me for the position and I will be hearing from them in the next week. All of this is good, but last night I realized that I could be moving in the next couple of months. As excited as I am (and I am very excited), it is also a little scary. I talked to S last night and she did a wonderful job in calming me down and reminding me that I am not going to go through this by myself. All she had to say was, "You have me now and we are family" and I was calmed down. I have had many people in my life say that I will not be alone, but when S says it I actually hear her and believe what she is saying me. I know that I will never be alone and she will be right there beside me.

I have this feeling that by my birthday (late May) my life is going to be completely different and I will actually be living my dream of having a little house on the prairie. And the best part...I have the best girl in the world to share this adventure with.

Best Year of my Life

2009-01-05T13:48:00.002-06:00

I am happy. Very happy. Yesterday was the perfect day and I can't wait until S and I can start our life together.

I had been thinking of asking S to marry me for a long time, but was trying to figure out the perfect time to ask her. Well, on Saturday we had talked on the phone and I realized that I wanted to ask her the next day. We were in her house and I told her how much I loved her and how much she has changed my life and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I then told her that I wanted her to become my wife. Her response was a perfect "yes". It was the perfect moment and that one word has changed everything. We spent rest of the afternoon talking about our future and the plans we have.

We will have a private ceremony (just the two of us) and exchange rings the first night we move in with each other. I am guessing it will be sometime this summer. Neither of us want a big ceremony and really just want the two of us there. Now the fun begins and we get to start looking for rings.

The last few weeks we have been talking about the 2 hours that are between us and know that we need to do something about that. So......I have started the process of looking for a new job that is close to where she lives. I love my job (99% of the time) and I hate that I have to leave it, but I am in love with S and want to see her every single morning. We are still working out the details as to where exactly we will live. We thought about buying a house out in the country (her house is in town, but to me it feels like the country), but we may wait a few years. I love her house and it feels so warm and welcoming. I would be very happy living there with her.

I am so thankful that I have S in my life. She is so good for me and so good to me. Yesterday after I asked her to marry me she said, "I promise that I will always love you with respect and kindness and you will always be my main priority." How great is this...I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

I guess I should start preparing my cats for the 2 hour car ride they will eventually be going on. They are going to be soooo pissed. But I know in the end they will be happy because there will be so many windows for them sit in and overall it will be a lot more quiet. Plus S spoils them rotten. :)

This really is going to be the best year of my life.

One Word Changes Everything

2009-01-04T15:03:00.001-06:00

She said yes. :)

More details later.

Very Important Question

2009-01-03T12:21:00.003-06:00

I have been busy this morning. Here is what I have already done:

*Got my grocery shopping done

*Went and had a RX refilled

*Changed litter box (they now make a litter for small spaces. I am curious to see if it really works)

*Finished my laundry

*Took down my Christmas decorations

*Cleaned entire apartment

Now it's time for a nap. :)

S called me a few minutes ago and it seems we can only go a few days without seeing each other, because we both agreed that it would be a great idea to get together tomorrow.

After we got off the phone I sat and just thought about how happy I am and how I want to spend the rest of my life with S. I think it's time to ask her a very important question.

It Keeps Getting Better

2009-01-02T23:45:00.000-06:00

Day 2 of 2009 turned out to be even better then day one. The plan for S and I to be together is coming together better then we could have ever planned. There is absolutely no doubt that we are meant to be together.

Tonight S and I were talking about how good things are with us right now and how things just keep getting better. I know that in the beginning things are always good and it's considered a honeymoon phase, but we decided that there is no reason that the honeymoon phase of our relationship has to end. We have both been with people that were not the best for us and now that we have found each other we never want to take the other for granted. From day one we have decided that we need to be best friends first and foremost. Everything after best friends is just icing on the cake.

I don't have much planned for the weekend and plan on watching lots of movies. It seems like the last two weeks have been so busy and I am looking forward to a quiet weekend. The only thing that I have to do this weekend is go out and get a new battery for my camera. The battery in my camera died on Christmas, so I haven't taken any pictures in over a week. That would explain why I have not had any new pictures on my blog lately.

What is everyone else doing this weekend?

Happy 2009!!!

2009-01-01T22:43:00.004-06:00

Happy New Year!!!

Today has been the best day. S and I decided to just get together today since neither of us wanted to be on the road yesterday. I drove to her house this morning and we spent the day together and it was just perfect. S's Mom cooked a ham and boy was it good. I always forget how much I love ham.

After lunch S and I just hung out and enjoyed each others company. In the last week we have made the decision that I need to start looking for a place closer to her right now instead of waiting until the summer. We both regret the fact that I signed a new 6th month lease and wish there was a way I could get out of it.

Tonight I told her that I was excited to see where we would be a year from today and her response was, "I promise you one thing...we will be living together." I can't wait for that day.

As I was driving home tonight I had this amazing sense of peace and contentment. I feel so loved and appreciated and know that every single struggle I went through to get here was worth it all. Tonight as S and I were talking she told me that she was sorry I was hurt so badly by Laura, but was thankful that it gave her a chance to be with me. She then told me that the 5 of us (me, S, Sophie, Bonk and Ben) belong together. I love how she always includes my babies.

I have always felt that how you spend the first day of the New Year is how the rest of your year will be. I think it's a good sign that I spent the day in the arms of the woman I love. It's going to be a great year.

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-31T09:33:00.003-06:00

2009 is going to be a great year and I can't wait to get it started. I have so much to be thankful for, so much love in my life and some really awesome friends.

2008 was very good to me. Not only did I personally grow in so many ways, but I found this amazing woman to spend my life with. I heard this song a few days ago and it describes how I feel about S coming into my life. She has been one of the best surprises this year. It is amazing how much her love has helped heal my heart; not only from Laura, but also from my family. I know S is my family now and when I am with her I don't feel like there is anything missing. I am so lucky to have her in my life.

There are going to be many changes in the next year, but I am so excited for each of these changes. I know that this year will bring me living closer to S and hopefully we will be in our own home this time next year. I can't wait until she is the last thing I see before I go to bed each night and the first thing I see every morning. I am not sure how life could get any better.

I would also like to thank all of you that come back here each day to read my blog. I have met so many wonderful people from my blog and each of your comments of support and love have helped me through so many hard times. Yes 2008 was a good year, but I did have a few rough patches and having you guys there on my side made those bad moments seem not so overwhelming.

I put together a set of pictures from 2008. It's kind of fun to see all that I did this past year through pictures. You can see them HERE.

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful New Year. See you next year!!!

When You Know...You Just Know

2008-12-29T14:35:00.003-06:00

Yesterday the sun came out and it turned out to be a beautiful day. I was so happy to be able to see S for a few hours. We really didn't do that much, just a little bit of shopping for her. She had a couple coupons for something and we ended up going to one Walgreen's and 2 Walmarts. At the second Walmart we went through the self check out and I ended up getting done first and as I stood and waited for her all I could do was smile. This is what I love about being in a relationship...the everyday stuff. I know I am in the right relationship because even when we are doing everyday stuff, I am happy. Even when we have to stand in line for 20 minutes at Walmart, I am happy.

S and I have a lot of decisions to make in the next 8 months. Neither of us have any doubt as to what we want, but any kind of change causes a little bit of stress. I look forward to the day when we are all settled in a home of our own and the biggest decision is whose turn it is to change the cat litter. :)

I did have a couple things that irritated me today. When I got to work today I told one person about my x-mas and the houses that S likes and this person said, "I think a typical heterosexual relationship you are told you should wait a year before making any permanent decisions together. Well, you and S are closer to 6 months then one year."

Then I had another person tell me as they were walking out for a meeting, "You and I will discuss this later."

OK, first of all I am not a child. I do not need to discuss my personal life with anyone. Yes S and I are still new in our relationship, but I think it's good to talk about what we want in the future. I love sitting and talking with her about what our future will look like.

Second of all, no one can tell someone else how long is an appropriate time to date before moving on to the next phase. Yes, I made a huge mistake a year ago, but I have learned from that. From the very beginning S and I have been committed to taking things slow and building a solid foundation for our relationship. I think we are doing a great job of that and both of us feel comfortable in how we are handling our relationship. In the end, all that matters is that both S and I feel OK with things. We are both very happy with our relationship and know how lucky we are to have found each other.

When you know....you just know.

Official Announcement

2008-12-27T07:50:00.003-06:00

It's official: I hate winter.

S and I were suppose to get together this weekend, but we are getting freezing rain. This just really sucks. I guess things could be worse...she could be thousands of miles away and I could only see her a few times a year. I will say that the one thing we have both realized is how much we want to be able to see each other every day. I can't wait for 2009.

Here was Ben's reaction when I told him he would not see S this weekend:
He was so upset and didn't want anyone to see him crying.

Is it spring yet?

Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T23:10:00.002-06:00

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. My day was perfect in every way. S and I met around noon and had a wonderful lunch with her Mom and her Mom's friend. After lunch we went back to S's house and exchanged gifts. Santa was very good to me this year. :)

After hanging out for a while at her house we decided to go for a drive. S wanted to show me a couple houses that are a lot closer to her work and where she could have some acreage. She is looking into moving sometime this summer, probably around August. Oh, and guess when the lease ends for my apartment...yea August. :)

S was so wonderful to not only me, but the babies as well. I was sent home with a present for each of them, prime rib for Sophie and shrimp for the cats. I love how she loves all of us.

My life is so good right now. I have no idea what I did to deserve S, but hopefully she will let me spend the rest of my life showing how thankful I am for all she does.

Christmas 2008 is one Christmas I will never forget.

(If you click on the picture you can see all my pictures from today)

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T15:29:00.002-06:00

What I am thankful for on this Christmas Eve:

*My wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind S. Not only has she made me incredibly happy, but she has taught me what a healthy relationship looks like. I hope to spend the rest of my life with her. Like she said, "2009 will be our year" and I can't wait to get it started.

*My friends. I have so many people in my life that are there for me when I need to talk, vent or cry. My friends are my family.

*Sophie, Ben and Bonk. I don't know what I would do without my furry kids.

*My job. I am so happy that I have a job that I love and provides for me. Plus I work with some really cool people.

*My cozy apartment. It may be small, but it's exactly what I need right now.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas. I will be spending the day with S at her house and then we will be going out to dinner. It's been 12 days since I have seen her and we both agreed that that is too long.

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas Lulu

2008-12-23T10:26:00.002-06:00

I took my car in for a tire rotation and balance and found out that I need all new tires. I guess this is what I get for neglecting my car for the last year or so. Thankfully I was approved for a credit card through Firestone and by tonight Lulu will have all new tires and hopefully drive really smoothly. I know that I will feel so much more comfortable driving to see S with new tires.

Merry Christmas Lulu.

This & That

2008-12-22T18:39:00.003-06:00

Most of the time I love my job, but the last few days I am kind of tired of work. Why can't people just do their jobs. When my boss asks me to do something I don't question what she is saying and I just do it. Ugh..... I am happy because I will be off on Thursday and Friday. I am so excited for this four day weekend and I am especially thrilled that I will be seeing S for 3 of those days. :)

Last night it got really quiet and when I went to see where Sophie was this is what I found:

She now loves her bed and that is the only place she will sleep. I am so happy that she finally likes it.

Ben has found the warmest place to sleep in the house:

When I first got Ben he was just a tiny kitten and I would wrap him in blankets to keep him warm. I think this is part of the reason he loves to sleep completely covered up.

Is everyone ready for Christmas? I cannot wait until Thursday.

Frozen Sunshine

2008-12-21T15:34:00.003-06:00

I would like to clarify something. In all the years where I have loved winter and snow, I have never once said that I enjoy temperatures in the teens and wind chills at -15 degrees. I love temperatures in the 20's and snow that causes no problems.

So yes, it's very cold here. I have been having a really hard time walking Sophie. She loves the cooler temperatures as well and doesn't understand why we can't go on long walks like we usually do. Friday night I lost my gloves and couldn't find them anywhere. After walking Sophie for a day without them I decided at 9pm last night that I had to have a pair. Of course I found my gloves this morning, but I guess it is good to have more then one pair. Today it's sunny, but don't let the sunshine fool you.....it's freezing out there.

My throat has been scratchy the last couple of days and I have been sneezing a whole lot. I think part of the problem is the air is soo dry, so I went out this morning and bought a humidifier. I am hoping that helps because I really don't want to be getting sick.

This is only the second weekend since August where S and I have not seen each other. We were both saying last night that this will be the first and last winter where we are so far away from each other. She told me last night that 2009 will be our year. I couldn't agree more. I can't wait until I can see her on Thursday. I miss her so much.

Here's a cool thing....S's brother works for MTV and I was just watching a show and saw his name on the credits. How cool is that?

Nothing is Missing

2008-12-20T13:25:00.002-06:00

I took this picture last week when we had the ice and it has become one of my favorites. I was standing inside looking outside when I took this picture. I love the reflection of my Christmas tree.

It's really cold here and it's suppose to get really cold tomorrow with highs in the single digits. S and I decided it was just too cold to get out there so we will not see each other this weekend. :( Until we move closer, I am only going to wish for warm sunny days. After we live closer it can snow all it wants to.

My cat Bonk has decided that after 21 years she likes to cuddle. She is always on my lap and as I type this she is trying to figure out how to get to my lap with the laptop there. Three nights ago I woke up to her licking my face. Then two nights ago she started sleeping right by my head. The cool thing is she is letting me put my face right by her face. Listening to a cat purr is so calming and relaxing.

Today I finished my shopping for S. I was having a hard time finding something, but after just a few minutes in World Market I found the perfect thing. I am going up to S's house on Christmas, but we are not exchanging gifts until next weekend when she will be here for the weekend.

Since I started celebrating the holidays (about 5 years ago) I have always felt like something was missing. Even when I was with Laura and things seemed really good I always had this part of myself that felt empty. As I was driving home from work the other night I realized that this is the first year where I don't feel like something is missing. I am happy and in love. Does it get any better then this?

One Word

2008-12-19T22:16:00.002-06:00

If you could describe 2008 in one word, what would it be?

My word would be:

Love

Going to the Bank

2008-12-19T10:46:00.001-06:00

Look what I did by myself and I didn't hit any cars. (yes I hit a car one time)

I am so proud of myself.

10 Weeks

2008-12-18T10:52:00.002-06:00

Today marks 10 weeks since I gave up the nasty habit of smoking. In just 9 days I will have surpassed where I relapsed last summer. I am anxious to get past that point, but have full confidence that I will not only get past it but I will never smoke again. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I also have never been more proud of myself. The fact that I have quit smoking when I smell cigarette smoke almost all day is a very good thing. About 90% of our clients smoke and when they are on smoke breaks it seems to overtake the entire front end of the building. Plus, the employee smoking area is right outside my window so I usually smell it then as well. I do miss going out and socializing with my co-workers. I am hoping one day I will be able to go out with them again and just not smoke,

I still have cravings for a cigarette and look forward to the day when I don't even think about it. Just this past week I started coughing again at night, so I don't know if my body is still trying to get out all the poisons I had inhaled. I figured that since I quit smoking I have smoked 2100 less cigarettes. Every time I do these calculations I am just shocked at how much I smoked.

We are suppose to be getting some nasty weather this afternoon and tonight. They are calling for freezing rain, but I wonder if we will actually get that. It has warmed up the last couple of days, so I am hoping that it will be warm enough to just be rain. I don't know what it is, but this year the cold has really been bothering me. It takes me hours to warm up when I get home and I usually end up taking a hot bath just to get warm. I wonder if being so cold this year has anything to do with quitting smoking.

I am really hoping that the weather doesn't get too bad. S and I are suppose to get together this weekend and it would totally suck if we couldn't because of the weather. Not being able to see S during the week really makes the weekends precious. Speaking of my sweetheart, this is my new favorite song. This song really makes me think of S and how incredibly happy she makes me. And yes, it's OK if you laugh at me for liking this song. My co-workers have already made fun of me.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2008-12-16T18:44:00.002-06:00

This morning Sophie woke me up at 3am and when we went outside it was snowing. We ended up getting about 3-4 inches of snow and now we are getting a little bit of freezing rain. And it's freeeezing outside. I have been freezing all day and can't seem to get warm. I am hoping a hot bath later tonight will finally warm me up.

This morning when I got to work I called S to make sure that she had made it to work early and she kind of laughed at me and said, "I grew up in Minnesota....this is nothing."

A few weeks ago I found these at Walmart:
I don't know if it's just me, but the Coke tastes better in these little bottles.

I am still trying to figure out what to get S for Christmas. I wish I had enough money where I could surprise her with a weekend away somewhere. A few days somewhere warm with just me and S would be absolutely wonderful.

It's nights like this that I wish S and I lived closer. This is perfect cuddling weather.

6 Degrees.....Brrrr!

2008-12-15T13:33:00.004-06:00

When I went to the grocery store yesterday morning it was 59 degrees and by 2pm the temperature started to drop and right now it's 6 degrees. 6 degrees. That is cold. Everyone knows how much I love the cold weather, but having the high of the day in single digits....that is even a little too cold for me. This morning when I was walking Sophie she all of a sudden stopped and started limping. I thought she had maybe stepped on something, but I think her paws were just too cold. I think I am going to look for some booties for her since we will be doing a lot of walking this winter. Once we got back to the house she immediately ran inside and jumped on the bed. I really wished I could have crawled back in bed also.

Yesterday evening we got some freezing rain/sleet and it made looking outside at my decorations kind of pretty. We are suppose to get some snow tomorrow and that makes me happy. I have decided that I don't want any snow on the weekends because if it snows then I most likely would not be able to see S.

Speaking of S....it is amazing how I continue to fall more in love with her. She tells me everyday how she wishes we lived closer and how we will have to do something about this distance between us this summer. I agree completely. Even if we don't' move in with each other, we need to live closer to each other. I can't wait until her face is the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see every morning.

Hope everyone has a great Monday and stays warm.

The Snuggie

2008-12-14T09:35:00.001-06:00

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this commercial. So tell me....would you buy the Snuggie?

Good Day

2008-12-13T23:50:00.002-06:00

The last few days it has felt more like spring then winter, but I guess winter is headed back in tomorrow. Today's high was in the 60s and even at 10pm it was 54 degrees, but by Monday the highs will only be in the teens. Only in KC can you go from one extreme to the other so quickly.

S and I were able to spend the entire afternoon together and it was wonderful. I hate saying goodbye to her and we both said how we look forward to one day sharing a home. I have this feeling that it will be sooner then later.

When S's Mom found out she was going to see me today she sent this little package for me:
Homemade caramels and fudge. My life just keeps getting better.

Late Night Blogging

2008-12-13T00:17:00.003-06:00

It's been a good Friday night. Here is why:

*Sophie spent 30 minutes laying on her bed and seemed very happy.

*I got all my laundry done including the sheets. Is there anything better then clean sheets?

*I got take out from Applebees and enjoyed it while I watched a movie.

*The moon was gorgeous tonight.

*S surprised me and said she will need a break from studying tomorrow and wanted to know if I wanted to get together for a little while. I told her she will never have to ask me if I want to see her because the answer will always be yes.

*I had 2 Coronas in the fridge that were perfectly cold.

*Seeing all the Christmas lights while I was walking Sophie. I love this time of year.

*Taking a few minutes today to wash my car. I love having a clean car.

*Having a cat that loves to snuggle and one that is learning how to snuggle at the young age of 21.

I hope your Friday night was as good as mine.

Christmas for Sophie

2008-12-12T19:18:00.005-06:00

Christmas came a little early for Sophie:

I was at Costco on Thursday and decided to finally buy Sophie a new bed. Right after we moved Sophie tore apart her old bed and I never went and got a new one. Her other bed she got for Christmas four years ago and immediately loved it. I didn't think there would be a problem. Here is Sophie's reaction to the new bed:

She won't go near it. Last night I made her get on the bed and as soon as I turned away she ran off the bed. I don't thinks he likes it. I am hoping that maybe she will give it a try in a few days.I think she may be a little spoiled. :)

Here are some new pictures I took of Sophie:

I love the way they turned out.

I was suppose to get together with S this weekend, but she has a final on Monday and needs to study. I told her she could bring her books with her this weekend and study, but she said she wouldn't get any studying done if she was here. She's probably right.

I stopped and rented 3 movies and have decided that I am doing nothing all weekend long. A few weeks ago I watched Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9-11 and was left speechless. Tonight I am going to watch Sicko and I am on the search for Roger & Me. I know he is very controversial, but if you think about it he does have some really good points.

4

2008-12-11T00:00:00.002-06:00

I took this picture yesterday when I was stuck in traffic for over an hour. I find it amazing what 2 inches of snow will do to an entire city. The first snow is always the worst because people freak out and act like they have never seen this white stuff falling from the sky. Kansas City drivers only do well when it's sunny and dry outside, and even struggle on those days. S said she always gets a good laugh when she watches the city drive when the weather is bad. I am sure the city would shut down if we got as much snow as she is used to having grown up in Minnesota.

I had a lot of time to think yesterday when I was in the car and I realized how lucky I am. Yes things are a little tight financially but really when I think about it I have everything I need. I have a roof over my head, food in my cabinets, a job where I feel appreciated, 3 wonderful furry kids and an amazing woman to share all of this with.

Today marks 4 months since S and I have been seeing each other. I went back and looked through some of my old blog posts from when we first started seeing each other and I knew from the very beginning that she was the one. We have had some really good times in the last 4 months, but we have also had to work through some difficult times. I love that when we do have difficult times I know that by communicating with each other and being honest with each other it just makes our relationship even better and stronger. I feel that by taking things slow and not rushing into anything we are building a solid foundation that will sustain us through the years.

Before S I was never a person that wanted to call my other half my wife. I was always just happy with using the term partner or significant other. But things are different with S and I want her to be my wife and I want to be her wife.

Loving someone and letting them love you is a scary thing. I have learned in the last 4 months that it is really scary to let someone in when you have been hurt so badly in the past. But I have also learned that by allowing S in and trusting her I have felt more loved then I ever have in my entire life.

Half Way to the Weekend

2008-12-10T14:30:00.002-06:00

Yesterday one of my co-workers had me listen to this song. About thirty seconds into the song I told him to stop the song because it was really upsetting me. He made me a copy of the song to listen on my own and it is a very powerful song. I can completely understand how John Lennon was feeling. As I listened to the song I thought of my birth mom as well as my Mom. It really sucks when your Mom can't accept who you are.

Sophie loves the snow so much that she got me up at 2am to go outside. She didn't go to the bathroom she just walked in it. I do love how much she loves the snow. Lynilu suggested I take her to a dog park where she can run and roll in the snow. There is a dog park about 10 minutes from my house so I think I will take her there the next time we get snow. The snow we got yesterday will probably be melted by tomorrow. This morning it was so cold and since I don't live in the best neighborhood I can't just start my car and go back inside. I waited outside the whole time and it was c.o.l.d. I will still take a really cold day over a really hot day.

This morning when I got to work one of my techs asked why I was at work. I kind of looked at her with this weird look and she said, "It's Gay Day and all gay people were suppose to call in sick to protest Prop 8." I had heard about today but completely forgot. I am not sure if I would have called in anyway. I guess that makes me a bad gay.

For the first time in months I have no tech positions open. Usually I don't have problems filling my open positions, but I sure did this time. It feels good to finally have a full staff. Now I just need to finish up my tech evaluations. I am a little behind and need to complete 7 by the end of the year. Gasp!! I think I will just shut myself in my office one day to complete them.

First Snow

2008-12-09T19:22:00.003-06:00

Winter has officially arrived in Kansas City. We got about 2 inches of snow today and the traffic was horrible coming home. What normally takes about 20 minutes took 1 1/2 hours tonight. I worried all day about the road right in front of my complex. It's a 2 lane road with no shoulder and horrible ditches and I knew it was going to be bad when we got snow. It was bad and there were 3 cars in the ditch, but I managed to make it home just fine. It's going to be very cold tonight with the low being 13. It's nights like tonight that really makes me miss my garage.

Sophie was so excited about the snow and I swear she was smiling when we went for our walk. I need to find a pair of boots so I can take Sophie for really long walks in the snow. I haven't owned a pair of boots in so long so I would have no idea where to start looking for a pair.

S asked me the following question this weekend and I would love to know what your answers would be:

If you were stranded on a island and your food, clothing and shelter were taken care of, what 5 items would you take with you?